Don't Worry, Be Happy!

August 21, 2009.

I got away for a night and it was just what the doctor ordered. I think L.A. is the cause of all my symptoms. I was feeling so stressed and angry for no reason. I didn't realize this until I was in the middle of Yucca Valley spending time with one of my best friends (Ike) and his Aunt and 8 yr old cousin. Real people, with real values and real lives. It was just what I needed.

Ike is great. He's spent the entire week there with his family helping out because his Aunt is struggling with cancer as well as being a single parent. So he's basically been a 25 year old father of two for the week (his cousin's friend has spent almost every day with them also). I just sat back and watched as he nonchalantly took care of these two 8 yr. old girls and what respect they gave him! Every word they listened to. He barely had to raise his voice and they understood he meant business.

Ladies...Ike's a catch! He's fun, he's smart and damn he's gonna be a great dad someday!

I told him I'm proud to have a friend like him. I really am. It's been about 10yrs that we've known one another now and he is irreplaceable. Why have we never been together, you might ask? Well, two reasons 1) because he dated my cousin/best friend and you just don't cross those lines and 2) because I would never ever want to fuck up the relationship we have right now. He's one of the greatest guy friends I ever/will ever have. I love him!

Man, but in the short amount of time I just spent with his family, it just made me realize I need to take a step back from L.A. every once in awhile. It gets to be too intense. I also realized I have a goal for myself: I want to take a trip to Europe. A nice long, soul searching trip.

I don't know when this will happen, but I'm gonna start raising funds and picking places that I must see. This will happen before I'm thirty! I'm positive. I'd like to go with someone, but right now, I don't have to know who it will be. I'm not quite ready to decide yet.

Hmm...

Heard from Drummer today. He's adorable, I think he was in my dream last night.

Haven't heard from North. At all. Tomorrow's saturday, so maybe tomorrow.

Broke the cleanse a bit last night so that I could eat dinner with Ike and the girls. My stomach doesn't completely hate me!! But I'm gonna do the cleanse still for the next few days. I just want to feel like I have a clean slate.

Alright. Performance tonight. Moving stuff and a possible audition tomorrow. Life is good. No need to stress!

An Almagamation of Feelings...

August 19, 2009.

It is my very bestest friend's birthday today, so I first have to give her a shoutout and tell the world that I love her very much and world...if you do anything to make her cry, I'll have to kick your butt!

Ok. Well, I'm feeling a little lonely this evening. A little lonely. A little sad. A little stressed. And fairly hungry.

It's day 2 of my cleanse. I've done it pure for two days! Although, tonight I did not to the salt water flush because I may have quite an exhausting day ahead of me tomorrow and I don't want to be dehydrated.

Lets see:

Tonight I'm lonely because...

I haven't heard from North since Sunday and it just kind of makes me wonder.
I'm tired of not having a guy that sticks around.
I want to talk to someone and have no one to call.
I miss my girlfriends from the East.

Tonight I'm sad because...

Refer to most of the reasons I'm lonely.
Add that I'm doubting my acting ability.

Tonight I'm stressed because...

I have to pay my first months rent tomorrow and my bank account is extremely low.
I have now made plans to meet up with Ike tomorrow which involves me driving two hours away, going on a strenuous hike and they either telling him I can't eat dinner with him because I've started a cleanse, or eating dinner and potentially getting sick from having solid food in my stomach.

*phew!

Tonight I'm fairly hungry because...

Well, because I've been intaking nothing but liquids for the past two days.
However, I'm surprisingly not as hungry as I expected I would be.
Perhaps tomorrow will be another story.
I'm not ready to break my cleanse after two short days!!!! Noo!!!!

I think the main reason diets and cleanses fail is because peoples lifestyles don't accommodate for it. People are social creatures. Being social involves going out to eat or going out for coffee or going out for ice cream or going out for drinks...none of this is helpful when trying to avoid the intake of calories.

Well, I text Drummer tonight. Yup. I'm lonely. I just want someone to “watch 'I Love You Man' and drink Jack Daniel's” with...like Nikki and her boy are doing tonight. Not fair. I'm bitter. Yup. I said it. I'm bitter. And bitterness shall take me to sleep! Buenas Noches!

Cleanse...

August 18, 2009.

So day one of the Master Cleanse has come and (almost) gone...

The first part isn't so bad. You spend the day drinking a pitcher of homemade lemonade with cayenne pepper in it. Which, actually tastes pretty darn good.

But then...you have to chug 25 oz. of salt water. I almost threw up. A couple of times. This part is supposed to flush out your system. Awesome...can't wait. I did this about 20 minutes ago because I was home for the evening, no place to go, no people to see and I have the apartment all to myself. Well, it's supposed to take affect within 30 – 60min and lil bro just got home...awesome. Now I have an audience as I run to el bano every 5 minutes as my angry bowels yell at me!

Oh cleanse...I hope you're worth it.

I have absolutely no, and I repeat, no boy news to share with you today. I spent my day rather productively! Lacey and I walked to Trader Joe's to get supplies for our cleanse, then we came back to my apt and cheers'd our first glass of lemonade. Then we did level one of the 30-day shred...thanks Jillian! After which we chilled for a bit and watched the videos we took during our trip to Palm Springs. Lacey hadn't seen them yet. Made us miss Jess terribly! Come back from Hawaii!!! We need our fourth lady!

I then drove Lacey home and I ran a few errands and then did loads and loads of laundry in between packing up the kitchen. I have to say, I feel quite accomplished! The kitchen is looking emptier and emptier and cleaner and cleaner and I can't wait to start moving stuff into the new place.

The only boy I talked with today was Ike, my friend from home, who is currently in Cali helping with some family drama. He had a rough day and called because he needed someone to listen. I wish I could see him while he's in town. I just want to give him a great big hug and let him know everything's gonna work out, but he's about 2hrs south and super busy. I told him I'd drive to see him. I totally would. A hug would be worth it. He seems so stressed.

It's funny because he recently broke up with his girlfriend and is way upset about it. Last time I was home he was explaining to me how he's just ready for a relationship and wants to be settled down finally. I told him I was feeling the same way. He had started seeing a girl that we both knew in highschool and was really excited about this new prospect. Now, barely half a year later they're already over and done with. It sucks. I feel your pain Ike, I really do.

No word from North today, but not letting myself worry about it. I'm busy, he's busy. Life happens. Meh.

But I was thinking in the car on my way home from rehearsal this evening how I'm really ready to be with someone who's around a lot. More than once a week. Someone who hangs out with my friends and comes to my house on the nights I'm not at his. Someone who wants to hear about my rehearsal and is excited to come to my performance on Friday, flowers in hand. Someone who's just always available whether I want them there or not. And I don't mean, like, has no social life or life outside of me, I just mean someone who's able to come over if I need them near me. I don't know if North will be able to provide this for me for a very long time. I don't know if Drummer would be able to provide this for me, although I do believe he might try.

So, there you have it. Caught in my usual, same old, same old position. But, the rest of my life is pretty darn exciting! So, I'm not gonna let my singledom get me down!

Night!

Weight Matters...

August 17, 2009.

Wow, so I'm terribly boring on the man front these days!

Haven't heard from North today, but I wanted to give it some breathing room. I feel like I've been texting him a lot lately and I definitely don't want him to ever feel overwhelmed. I'm still dying to kiss him though! Argh!

Drummer text me tonight, wanting to hang out. I'm kind of relieved that he lives in Thousand Oaks and not closer, because if he did live closer, I would more likely accept his invites to hang out and we'd probably be kissing and doing more than I feel we should be doing at his point in time. I feel great about not having been with a single guy in any way since North. It's an awesome feeling, even if he doesn't know it, I like knowing it.

Went on a hike with Lacey this morning, and we're gonna get up and be adventurous again tomorrow morn. Then, she wants to start the “Master Cleanse”, I think it's also called “The Lemonade Diet”. I want to do it with her, but I'm somewhat nervous because, excuse my French, I don't want to be caught in the middle of work and have to shit my brains out or be hanging out with a boy and have to run to the bathroom five times in a row...

Oh cleanses, why are Americans so obsessed? Do other countries use cleanses as much as we do? I wonder. Probably not, because most often American's do it to lose weight and people from other countries are always naturally thinner and don't have to worry about obesity as much. Man. To not have to ever worry about your weight, how wonderful! Think how much time we would all gain if weight was never an issue!

Sometimes I wish I didn't want to be an actress because really, I'm only concerned with how thin I am when I think about how I look on camera. Bah! Whatev's I'm determined to make it as an actress whether I'm thin or entirely huge! I'm in it for the talent and not the looks....Take that Hollywood!

Updates Mañana!

Hasta Luego! (I'm learning Spanish...trying to put it to good use!)