Ba-donk-a-donk

January 11, 2009.

Meant to go to church this morning with Margaret. Woke up with every intention to, was getting ready, then we just sort of ran out of time. We decided to take a walk down to Starbucks and chat over coffee. Today was absolutely beautiful outside, perfect day for a stroll!

Felt like (maybe I’m just being narcissistic) lots of guys were checking us out at Starbucks today. Maybe it’s cuz I spent that little extra time on myself for the music video I had to go to later. I don’t know, but I kind of felt like a movie star.

Had to be in Pasadena by 1pm to start work on a Country Music Video I got cast in. I was running 20 min late and got there only to discover that it was only the director, my co-star and a camera. Lasted longer than we thought, so I had to miss Improv this evening. Which, I feel really guilty about and have decided for at least the next two months I will no longer schedule anything on Sundays to ensure that I make it to Detour.

My co-star was quite adorable and quite tall. I believe he was 6’7”. I’m only 5’2”, so it’s quite the contrast! He’s 24 and has been out in LA for two years. He was sweet, but I found myself having no interest in making idle chit chat. I was kind of socialized out. Lots of silent moments. However, while waiting for the lighting to be perfected and the camera angle to be figured out, I did find myself wondering what it would be like to sleep with someone that tall. Awkward, I would imagine. You could never kiss while making love. I would hate that! I need to be kissed!

My mind wanders to that a lot. Sex. I wonder if everyone thinks about it as much as I do or if I’m weird. I don’t think about it in the aspect of, “Ooh I wish I were having sex right now….” Or “I’d like to have sex with that!” I just find myself generally curious about the guys I meet and what they must be like in bed. Is that normal?

Well, neither my director or co-star mentioned my ring today. But, like I said, none of us were in a very chatty mood, so maybe they noticed, but just weren’t interested in finding out. Hmm…extra work tomorrow. Might be working with Neil and Miguel again, which would be nice, but I do kind of hope I have lots of time to myself. I’d like to read/write and contemplate things for a bit. We shall see!

Home at last...

January 10, 2009

What a great day! Got booked for Monday on ‘Samantha Who’ with my car, so went to get a car wash before my audition for a short film. My audition went fairly well, so I thought. Deiter, the director was absolutely adorable and I’m sure would be a blast to work with. I find out next week. Bought lovely new sheets for my bed…wish I had someone to share them with.

Heard from Will, my crush who lives in Florida. Met him when I was working catering this summer. He’s absolutely adorable and everything I want in a boyfriend. If only he lived here. But he calls me when he’s sad or bored. I enjoy that. Margaret pointed out that I’m, “building a foundation, rather than just sleeping with him.” This is true, and makes me happy.

Then Miguel and his wife Lee came over for game night. It was so nice to have guests at our house. We actually spent the majority of the evening talking instead of playing games. We enjoyed lots of munchies and wine smoothies. Played a round of ‘Apples to Apples’ and returned to some good old-fashioned conversation. Lee is very cute and sweet. I liked her a lot and I’m glad because it gives me hope about the two of them. They seem good together. Neil came over late as well. He’s a genuinely nice guy and I’m glad he joined us for a bit. It was just such a pleasant night. It’s the first time I truly felt at home here since we moved into this apartment. It felt like my place, my friends, and my party. I am very satisfied right now.

Lee mentioned my ring and noted that for her, she only has her engagement ring and no wedding ring (even though they’re married), so guys still try to pick her up saying, “Well, it’s not official yet!” I don’t know, I think it works for me in the aspect that it gives my lie a little credibility and makes it easier for me to say no because I look at my hand and start to believe the lie myself. She told me we have to go out together so she can teach me how to be “bitchier”.

Turned down a date with Anthony and a date with Sam tonight. Not because I didn’t want to hang out with them, but because I was entertaining guests! I think I may have offended them both a bit. The way I turned each down was kind of short and lacking a good excuse. Would have invited Sam over tonight to play games and mingle, but I know him, he would’ve gotten extremely drunk because he would assume that he was sleeping over. I didn’t want to have to tell him no.

I feel a little bit stronger each day. I’m so focused on my work now and leave little time for men. I can’t wait to see who I become by the end of the year. This is the year of change and I couldn’t be happier with it!