"Take it or Leave it Bitches!"

June 25, 2009

2:32 am

Me, Lacey, Jess and Nikki are in San Diego Bitch!!!!!

Impromptu trip with the ladies down to sunny beaches and happenin' nightlife. No guys, no drama, just drinks and good times! How I adore these ladies!

Jess is already passed out drunk. The girls proceeded to finish off two bottles of wine and a bottle of Chimay while I drove us down to S.D. It was hilarious...

Tomorrow our plan is to spend the entire day at the beach and just drink, drink, drink.

One funny thing though...I kinda miss Todd. Hmm. I don't work Friday so I think I'll get to see him then. His sister's in town. I'll actually get to meet a member of his family. Kind of excited about it! Alright, well, it's late, we're all pretty silly and we got a long day of lounging ahead of us tomorrow, so I'm off for now! Stories to follow!

Jet Lagged...

June 15th, 2009.


I feel like I took a trip to Spain and am now incredibly jetlagged...

Got home from class this afternoon at 2pm and crashed. Woke up at 5:30pm, so incredibly confused. Thought I had slept through the night. So I walked to Ralphs to get some dinner then to C's to visit Nikki and Lacey. I proceeded to get drunk at C's by drinking wine, have a convo with Seattle and text Todd.

The convo with Seattle was nice. He told me he's happy that things are working out with Todd. Obviously he hasn't read the past couple blogs about Madrid and ignored the fact that I told Todd I don't want to be his girlfriend or have sex for awhile...

Texting with Todd resulted in dinner plans tomorrow night in Santa Monica and next sunday, surfing in Hermosa beach with him and Nikki, Lacy and Aaron. Sweet. I'm excited!

Not much other boy news than that. I just got home from having a few too many glasses of wine with my ladies. I was kind of expecting to hear from Madrid. He works until 11pm, but it's now 11:41, so I figure if he was going to call it would've already happened.

Oh well. He admits, he “uses people” and I do believe he was only using me for a bed...good thing I didn't put all my hopes into that man.

The night we met, Jess said to me, “Watch out. He's foreign.”

Ha and I said, “Yeah, well, I'm not looking for marriage...”

The End.

Not just another Valentine's Day...

February 14, 2009.

Ah…Valentine’s Day. What a lovely day for singles to be single…you all know. It blows. Unless, you make the most of it! I had been planning on spending the day alone and turning down any invites I was to receive, even though my horoscope advised otherwise.

However, last night just as I was about to fall asleep, I received a text message from Ray. So odd, because I was just thinking about him. He suggested we go see the “The Wrestler” like we’d been planning the past few weeks. I decided it was now or never.

So this morning after I dropped Lindsay off at the airport and said goodbye (sniffle, sniffle), I called Ray and set up a movie date for 12:05. Went for a run, showered, dressed real cute and drove off at 12:20pm. Ray was late because he went to pick up a beautiful rose for me. Too sweet. When he got here, I couldn’t help but be shocked by how cute he is. He’s so much older than I am, but his Australian accent makes it okay somehow. (He’s 38…14 year difference, yikes!)

We didn’t make the movie, so he decided to take me to the best burger in L.A. A little joint in NoHo called Classy Jack’s. They were very good burgers and the guy who runs the place loves RAY. It was charming. Then we headed to the AMC in Burbank to catch the 2 20pm. The movie was incredible and incredibly sad. It was a bit gory as well and at each sight of blood Ray would bury his head in my arm. He couldn’t take it. After the movie, I was exhausted, but Ray didn’t want the day to end. So he drove me around the equestrian district where he lives in Burbank and showed me the horses. Then he suggested getting some coffee and going to the observatory at Griffith Park. I really didn’t want to do that. The last time I was there was with Pat…the 36-yr. old I dated for a short while. Something about older men in L.A…I don’t know.

Anywho, we ended up going to a coffee place in Burbank. It was super nice and we enjoyed blended mocha’s and delicious desserts and talked for three hours. He’s just great. The most positive person I’ve ever met. The only thing that made me wary about him was how he kept telling me that he cuts people out of his life when they disappoint him or do something he objects to morally, which I agree with, but when he described one of the reasons for cutting someone out of his life, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think it was totally right.

Other than that, he’s fantabulous. The age thing is really the only thing that bothers me. I wish perhaps I was older or he was younger. I definitely find him attractive and couldn’t help but think about kissing him. He doesn’t seem 38, but when guys my age would pass me by, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d always be hoping for someone closer to my age.

Hmm, well he dropped me off around 8 30, gave me an amazing hug goodbye and told me that he wants to do this again. So do I! He just makes me smile uncontrollably. He’s great. Even if nothing sexual ever happens between us, I really want him as a friend in my life.

Once home, I ran to Ralph’s and grabbed some veggies, bread and wine. Came home and made a beautiful little platter of veggies and dip, brie cheese and rye bread with garlic olive oil to dip it in. Poured myself a cup of wine and put in only the best movie ever, “Ghost”. Always makes me cry. Love it.

All in all, I’ve had a terrific Valentine’s Day, especially for being single. I spent the day with a great guy, enjoyed being alone and had Will and my band member send me lovey dovey messages.

Life is good. I’m gonna go grab another glass of wine and finish watching ‘Ghost’ before my roomies come home. Night.

Boys with Beemers...

February 10, 2009.

Oh man…what can one even begin to say about last night? Lindsay and I got off set a lot later than we expected, so we cancelled our plans to go to the Key Club, however, we refused to let the evening go wasted. I quickly downed the rest of my wine that I had at home and had a nice buzz. Got dressed up as a grungy hipster (is there even such a thing?) and smeared a bit more makeup onto my already exhausted skin. We decided to hit up Pineapple Hill, since it was within walking distance and we had a good hour left to get our drink on before the bar closed.

We headed down to the bar and quickly discovered the sausage fest inside. There was like 95% man meat in the bar…but still slim pickin’s. We did, however, run into Sean, a guy Lindsay had met and made out with the last time we were at the Hill. He was cuter than we both remembered. Well, with only an hour to get drunk, you better believe we were quickly getting silly. Sean introduced us to his friend who soon revealed to us that he’s a talent agent. How perfect for two aspiring actresses to have an agent literally fall into our laps. Handed to us. It also happened to be Agents birthday at midnight. So we enthusiastically wished him a happy birthday and told him we would go out with him tonight and then drinks would be on us. It was the least we could do, since he bought us a round of drinks. I was being drunk and playful and chatting up Agent so that Lindsay could focus on Sean.

At one point I think I even said, “I’ll take one for the team!” Because, although Agent was very friendly, I was not at all in any way shape or form atracted to him. Lindsay just looked at me with terrified eyes and said, “Don’t do it!”

No worries, I didn’t. Agent gave us a ride home in his beautiful BMW. I passed out immediately when we got back, but Lindsay stayed with the boys and had her own fun string of events at Seans place all evening. I think we will meet up with them sometime tonight. Sean seems to be quite infatuated with Lindsay. I just know that it’ll be essential for me to remain sober, so that in no way do I drunkenly think it’s a good idea to flirt or kiss Agent. Oy. Where are my handsome bad boys with gorgeous Beemers. Oh yeah, when Sean dropped Lindsay off this morning he was driving a 2007 BMW convertible. How do you reach that much success at the age of 26??

Crazy. Tonight shall be another fun adventure. Can’t wait!

A Bit Unrefined

January 17, 2009.

Wow. What a night. I ended up going to Pineapple with an entourage of people, drinking way too many drinks, paying for the whole bill (I feel generous and forget I’m broke when I’m drunk), coming back to my apartment, drinking some more with Pete and Ryan and literally spilling my guts all over the bathroom floor. Sorry if that’s too graphic, but I promised honesty!

I can usually hold my liquor. Yes, I get clumsy and fall down, but I never, I repeat, never throw up. Unfortunately, last night I decided rum and cokes mixed with a shot of baileys, plum wine, tequila and whiskey sounded like a fun plan. Dear God, what a horrible idea.

But, I have to say, I’m proud of myself for going to bed alone and to my knowledge, I didn’t make out with anyone. At least I hope I didn’t. Man, I sound like a mess. And yes, last night I was. But, I assure you that usually I’m a very well behaved lady.

It was fun last night though at the bar, because it was a whole big group of us, and I was far from being the fifth wheel like I worried I would be. There were three bachelors that joined us as well. People I know through Nate; Pete and Ryan, who are both also from NY and Seth, who’s from New Jersey and works with Nate.

I’ve known Pete for about a year now. When we first met, he had a crush on me and kept trying to get me to go out with just him, but I avoided. Nate was upset at him too, because he doesn’t like the idea of his friends dating me. I don’t know, a territorial thing maybe? Or maybe he just knows how much of a man-eater I am…kidding! Anywho, we’ve all managed to remain just friends. Last night though, I was feeling my loneliness rise with each drink. When Pete and Ryan came back with me and we continued to drink, I kept trying to convince them to sleepover. But it was for selfish reasons. I thought Pete might cuddle with me. I’m a terrible person. I’m super glad that didn’t happen so things can remain friendly between us and not get awkward. I don’t need anymore notches.

Today was spent in my pajamas on the couch. It was super nice. I feel embarrassed about last night too, but everyone makes mistakes and only my roomies could hear me in my misery, it’s not like I threw up in front of people. So I keep telling myself that next week is a fresh start. It’s gonna be an even better week than I just had. I promise to act a bit more refined.

My Apology

January 15, 2009.

I apologize. I've missed two days of blogging and I swore to never do that! I've been unusually busy this past week (Thank God!) with work. And, it's been interesting! I worked on tuesday as audience and only spoke with girls. No men allowed! It was short and sweet, 4 to 6pm. Decided to go to wing night even though my roomies weren't going. Dressed for comfort, not for style. Lupe, one of my fave waiters there, greeted me at the door. We chatted and caught up on life a bit. He asked if I had a boyfriend (he's married), and I said, "Nope, still no boyfriend." And he said, "You're too cute to not have a boyfriend!" But then agreed that here in L.A. all they want is sex and no committment.

Nikki's boyfriend was hanging out at the bar, so we chatted a bit. He's british and has quite the crude sense of humour. I feel like I'm just "one of the guys" when I'm talking with him. Which is good, because I would never want Nikki to think I was flirting with him, but it's also bad, because he has no sensor. And I can get a little offended.

Sam was there...Haven't seen him since my oh-so-drunken night. I was kind of embarrassed to see him. We've talked since then, but I've been avoiding seeing him, though he's tried multiple times to hang out. I just feel awkward about some things that were said. I was stupid. Well, he was getting on my nerves, because he was teasing me and I just wasn't in the mood to be teased, even flirtatiously. I think he got the hint and didn't stay very long. He left me alone with my salad.

I went home and tried to go to bed as early as possible so I could get up in time for my 6am call on wednesday, which was in Ontario, CA. Which, is an hour drive from me. So, I think I managed to get about 3 hours of sleep. But, I got to work on time and in a good mood. I realized, I really do love my job.

Within 30min of being there I met Muhamed. He was very cute and very outgoing. We chatted while in line for wardrobe. Then he got pulled out of line to replace an actor that didn't show up, and we pretty much didn't see eachother for the remaining 13 hours on set. I was sort of okay with that, because I didn't want the awkward ending of the day, where he asks for my number and I have to explain I'm not dating, blah blah blah. That seems rather presumptious of me to think he's "naturally" going to ask for my number, but it happens a LOT on set. And I'm sure it happens to most girls, not just me. But it happens. Anyway, I spent the majority of the day avoiding talking to the guys on set. There were about 30 extras and only 8 of us women. It was a military scene. So major testosterone overload. I managed to chat with some of the ladies who were very fun. Then at the end of the night, the men started to get frisky.

One of them told me that there's no way I won't get recalled for this show because I'm so beautiful. Another one started a conversation with me about acting and told me that I was very attractive and perfect for acting. Then when we finally wrapped, my car battery was dead, so I had to get a jump. I approached three of the men in the parking lot and they all had cables. Then the one who had told me I was beautiful before, goes, "Wait, wait, wait! What does the guy get who jumps your car? Does he get to take you out on a date?" And I said, "No, he gets a very enthusiastic 'Thank you'"." Ughhghgkkk!!! Why are guys so pathetic? Then...I was trying to find the exit from the parking lot and I pulled over to a security guy and asked him if I was going the right way and he proceeds to tell me that he wishes I could stay there all night with him and I'm so pretty and "Do you have a boyfriend?"

What?? Are you really asking me if I have a boyfriend right now, sir?? So, I lied and said, "Yeah, I do!" Oh my goodness. First of all. I had been there for 14 hours. I looked like shit. I had fake sunburn make up all over my face. I was exhausted and it was dark. There's no way he could tell if I was attractive or not. He was just plain horny. Gross. I hate men.

However, I did learn that I really can't live without them. On my way home, I stopped off at Ralph's to get some wine. I wanted to get drunk. I took five minutes to go in and out of the store and when I came out, my car would not start, yet again. I walked home and told my roomies, but neither of them have jumpers so my car was stranded. I called Tony. He came to my rescue. He drove to my apt, picked me up, took me over to Ralphs, found someone to jump my car for me and followed me to autozone where I parked my car overnight so I could fix it in the morning. I really appreciate him. However, he was very condescending the entire time and kept undermining me. It made me feel really bad. And on the way back to my apt, I started crying.

Its times like these that I realize just how alone I really am. No one to hug and hold me and tell me everything is ok and reassure me that I'm not stupid and that I'm a capable woman and everything will work out. I have Tony who will help me with the physical things, but not the emotional. It's frusterating.

Bottom line is, and I'm sure I'll come to this conclusion more often then not, that I want a boyfriend. Someone to depend on. Someone I can call at all hours of the night and he'll be there for me. Someone to fall asleep next to.

Someday, I suppose. I have work all night tonight. But for now, I'm off to the park to work out. I'll update soon!

Home at last...

January 10, 2009

What a great day! Got booked for Monday on ‘Samantha Who’ with my car, so went to get a car wash before my audition for a short film. My audition went fairly well, so I thought. Deiter, the director was absolutely adorable and I’m sure would be a blast to work with. I find out next week. Bought lovely new sheets for my bed…wish I had someone to share them with.

Heard from Will, my crush who lives in Florida. Met him when I was working catering this summer. He’s absolutely adorable and everything I want in a boyfriend. If only he lived here. But he calls me when he’s sad or bored. I enjoy that. Margaret pointed out that I’m, “building a foundation, rather than just sleeping with him.” This is true, and makes me happy.

Then Miguel and his wife Lee came over for game night. It was so nice to have guests at our house. We actually spent the majority of the evening talking instead of playing games. We enjoyed lots of munchies and wine smoothies. Played a round of ‘Apples to Apples’ and returned to some good old-fashioned conversation. Lee is very cute and sweet. I liked her a lot and I’m glad because it gives me hope about the two of them. They seem good together. Neil came over late as well. He’s a genuinely nice guy and I’m glad he joined us for a bit. It was just such a pleasant night. It’s the first time I truly felt at home here since we moved into this apartment. It felt like my place, my friends, and my party. I am very satisfied right now.

Lee mentioned my ring and noted that for her, she only has her engagement ring and no wedding ring (even though they’re married), so guys still try to pick her up saying, “Well, it’s not official yet!” I don’t know, I think it works for me in the aspect that it gives my lie a little credibility and makes it easier for me to say no because I look at my hand and start to believe the lie myself. She told me we have to go out together so she can teach me how to be “bitchier”.

Turned down a date with Anthony and a date with Sam tonight. Not because I didn’t want to hang out with them, but because I was entertaining guests! I think I may have offended them both a bit. The way I turned each down was kind of short and lacking a good excuse. Would have invited Sam over tonight to play games and mingle, but I know him, he would’ve gotten extremely drunk because he would assume that he was sleeping over. I didn’t want to have to tell him no.

I feel a little bit stronger each day. I’m so focused on my work now and leave little time for men. I can’t wait to see who I become by the end of the year. This is the year of change and I couldn’t be happier with it!