February 1, 2009
Today was exhausting! Lindsay and I spent 14 hours on set of the Hallmark movie. We felt super special because the director, producer, AD’S, PA’s, etc all paid lots of attention to us. We stayed extra late and did some stand-in work. We chatted up the crew and tried to make some great connections. No one noticed the ring on my hand and no one really flirted with me much either. It was nice.
I feel like the ring is becoming less and less noticeable. Maybe I’m just becoming less and less “available” with my actions. Lindsay did lots of flirting and I think the prop guy is truly in love…
I heard from my band member #1 again today. He loves me. He keeps telling me that he’s going to buy me a house in the hills and we’ll “live happily ever after”. I wish I was more attracted to him, it would be great.
Also, haven’t heard from and haven’t contacted Liam since we hung out on Thursday. I’m trying to decide when it will be appropriate to contact him. I don’t want to seem too anxious or too hard to get. I need to find a happy medium. Not sure what I want anymore from him. I wish we hadn’t hung out two nights in a row, because now it just seems like too much.
Oy, so many things to think about. Well, it’s onto a new month. Can’t wait to make it through another month completely abstaining from tickling the sacred cow! I’m gonna be so proud of myself! I know…seems pathetic, but we all have our own goals, don’t we?
Another day on set tomorrow. Exciting! Making moolah and connections! It’s super terrific! Updates manana!
Showing posts with label extras. Show all posts
Showing posts with label extras. Show all posts
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My Apology
January 15, 2009.
I apologize. I've missed two days of blogging and I swore to never do that! I've been unusually busy this past week (Thank God!) with work. And, it's been interesting! I worked on tuesday as audience and only spoke with girls. No men allowed! It was short and sweet, 4 to 6pm. Decided to go to wing night even though my roomies weren't going. Dressed for comfort, not for style. Lupe, one of my fave waiters there, greeted me at the door. We chatted and caught up on life a bit. He asked if I had a boyfriend (he's married), and I said, "Nope, still no boyfriend." And he said, "You're too cute to not have a boyfriend!" But then agreed that here in L.A. all they want is sex and no committment.
Nikki's boyfriend was hanging out at the bar, so we chatted a bit. He's british and has quite the crude sense of humour. I feel like I'm just "one of the guys" when I'm talking with him. Which is good, because I would never want Nikki to think I was flirting with him, but it's also bad, because he has no sensor. And I can get a little offended.
Sam was there...Haven't seen him since my oh-so-drunken night. I was kind of embarrassed to see him. We've talked since then, but I've been avoiding seeing him, though he's tried multiple times to hang out. I just feel awkward about some things that were said. I was stupid. Well, he was getting on my nerves, because he was teasing me and I just wasn't in the mood to be teased, even flirtatiously. I think he got the hint and didn't stay very long. He left me alone with my salad.
I went home and tried to go to bed as early as possible so I could get up in time for my 6am call on wednesday, which was in Ontario, CA. Which, is an hour drive from me. So, I think I managed to get about 3 hours of sleep. But, I got to work on time and in a good mood. I realized, I really do love my job.
Within 30min of being there I met Muhamed. He was very cute and very outgoing. We chatted while in line for wardrobe. Then he got pulled out of line to replace an actor that didn't show up, and we pretty much didn't see eachother for the remaining 13 hours on set. I was sort of okay with that, because I didn't want the awkward ending of the day, where he asks for my number and I have to explain I'm not dating, blah blah blah. That seems rather presumptious of me to think he's "naturally" going to ask for my number, but it happens a LOT on set. And I'm sure it happens to most girls, not just me. But it happens. Anyway, I spent the majority of the day avoiding talking to the guys on set. There were about 30 extras and only 8 of us women. It was a military scene. So major testosterone overload. I managed to chat with some of the ladies who were very fun. Then at the end of the night, the men started to get frisky.
One of them told me that there's no way I won't get recalled for this show because I'm so beautiful. Another one started a conversation with me about acting and told me that I was very attractive and perfect for acting. Then when we finally wrapped, my car battery was dead, so I had to get a jump. I approached three of the men in the parking lot and they all had cables. Then the one who had told me I was beautiful before, goes, "Wait, wait, wait! What does the guy get who jumps your car? Does he get to take you out on a date?" And I said, "No, he gets a very enthusiastic 'Thank you'"." Ughhghgkkk!!! Why are guys so pathetic? Then...I was trying to find the exit from the parking lot and I pulled over to a security guy and asked him if I was going the right way and he proceeds to tell me that he wishes I could stay there all night with him and I'm so pretty and "Do you have a boyfriend?"
What?? Are you really asking me if I have a boyfriend right now, sir?? So, I lied and said, "Yeah, I do!" Oh my goodness. First of all. I had been there for 14 hours. I looked like shit. I had fake sunburn make up all over my face. I was exhausted and it was dark. There's no way he could tell if I was attractive or not. He was just plain horny. Gross. I hate men.
However, I did learn that I really can't live without them. On my way home, I stopped off at Ralph's to get some wine. I wanted to get drunk. I took five minutes to go in and out of the store and when I came out, my car would not start, yet again. I walked home and told my roomies, but neither of them have jumpers so my car was stranded. I called Tony. He came to my rescue. He drove to my apt, picked me up, took me over to Ralphs, found someone to jump my car for me and followed me to autozone where I parked my car overnight so I could fix it in the morning. I really appreciate him. However, he was very condescending the entire time and kept undermining me. It made me feel really bad. And on the way back to my apt, I started crying.
Its times like these that I realize just how alone I really am. No one to hug and hold me and tell me everything is ok and reassure me that I'm not stupid and that I'm a capable woman and everything will work out. I have Tony who will help me with the physical things, but not the emotional. It's frusterating.
Bottom line is, and I'm sure I'll come to this conclusion more often then not, that I want a boyfriend. Someone to depend on. Someone I can call at all hours of the night and he'll be there for me. Someone to fall asleep next to.
Someday, I suppose. I have work all night tonight. But for now, I'm off to the park to work out. I'll update soon!
I apologize. I've missed two days of blogging and I swore to never do that! I've been unusually busy this past week (Thank God!) with work. And, it's been interesting! I worked on tuesday as audience and only spoke with girls. No men allowed! It was short and sweet, 4 to 6pm. Decided to go to wing night even though my roomies weren't going. Dressed for comfort, not for style. Lupe, one of my fave waiters there, greeted me at the door. We chatted and caught up on life a bit. He asked if I had a boyfriend (he's married), and I said, "Nope, still no boyfriend." And he said, "You're too cute to not have a boyfriend!" But then agreed that here in L.A. all they want is sex and no committment.
Nikki's boyfriend was hanging out at the bar, so we chatted a bit. He's british and has quite the crude sense of humour. I feel like I'm just "one of the guys" when I'm talking with him. Which is good, because I would never want Nikki to think I was flirting with him, but it's also bad, because he has no sensor. And I can get a little offended.
Sam was there...Haven't seen him since my oh-so-drunken night. I was kind of embarrassed to see him. We've talked since then, but I've been avoiding seeing him, though he's tried multiple times to hang out. I just feel awkward about some things that were said. I was stupid. Well, he was getting on my nerves, because he was teasing me and I just wasn't in the mood to be teased, even flirtatiously. I think he got the hint and didn't stay very long. He left me alone with my salad.
I went home and tried to go to bed as early as possible so I could get up in time for my 6am call on wednesday, which was in Ontario, CA. Which, is an hour drive from me. So, I think I managed to get about 3 hours of sleep. But, I got to work on time and in a good mood. I realized, I really do love my job.
Within 30min of being there I met Muhamed. He was very cute and very outgoing. We chatted while in line for wardrobe. Then he got pulled out of line to replace an actor that didn't show up, and we pretty much didn't see eachother for the remaining 13 hours on set. I was sort of okay with that, because I didn't want the awkward ending of the day, where he asks for my number and I have to explain I'm not dating, blah blah blah. That seems rather presumptious of me to think he's "naturally" going to ask for my number, but it happens a LOT on set. And I'm sure it happens to most girls, not just me. But it happens. Anyway, I spent the majority of the day avoiding talking to the guys on set. There were about 30 extras and only 8 of us women. It was a military scene. So major testosterone overload. I managed to chat with some of the ladies who were very fun. Then at the end of the night, the men started to get frisky.
One of them told me that there's no way I won't get recalled for this show because I'm so beautiful. Another one started a conversation with me about acting and told me that I was very attractive and perfect for acting. Then when we finally wrapped, my car battery was dead, so I had to get a jump. I approached three of the men in the parking lot and they all had cables. Then the one who had told me I was beautiful before, goes, "Wait, wait, wait! What does the guy get who jumps your car? Does he get to take you out on a date?" And I said, "No, he gets a very enthusiastic 'Thank you'"." Ughhghgkkk!!! Why are guys so pathetic? Then...I was trying to find the exit from the parking lot and I pulled over to a security guy and asked him if I was going the right way and he proceeds to tell me that he wishes I could stay there all night with him and I'm so pretty and "Do you have a boyfriend?"
What?? Are you really asking me if I have a boyfriend right now, sir?? So, I lied and said, "Yeah, I do!" Oh my goodness. First of all. I had been there for 14 hours. I looked like shit. I had fake sunburn make up all over my face. I was exhausted and it was dark. There's no way he could tell if I was attractive or not. He was just plain horny. Gross. I hate men.
However, I did learn that I really can't live without them. On my way home, I stopped off at Ralph's to get some wine. I wanted to get drunk. I took five minutes to go in and out of the store and when I came out, my car would not start, yet again. I walked home and told my roomies, but neither of them have jumpers so my car was stranded. I called Tony. He came to my rescue. He drove to my apt, picked me up, took me over to Ralphs, found someone to jump my car for me and followed me to autozone where I parked my car overnight so I could fix it in the morning. I really appreciate him. However, he was very condescending the entire time and kept undermining me. It made me feel really bad. And on the way back to my apt, I started crying.
Its times like these that I realize just how alone I really am. No one to hug and hold me and tell me everything is ok and reassure me that I'm not stupid and that I'm a capable woman and everything will work out. I have Tony who will help me with the physical things, but not the emotional. It's frusterating.
Bottom line is, and I'm sure I'll come to this conclusion more often then not, that I want a boyfriend. Someone to depend on. Someone I can call at all hours of the night and he'll be there for me. Someone to fall asleep next to.
Someday, I suppose. I have work all night tonight. But for now, I'm off to the park to work out. I'll update soon!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Coffee Jitters
January 12, 2009.
As I entered my favorite coffee shop, I over heard the boy at his laptop saying to his friend, "I just want a cute girl I can watch horror movies with, is that too much to ask?" I think it is too much to ask here in L.A. I just want a cute guy I can cuddle with, go out to coffee with, go to the beach with, go running with. Is that too much to ask?
Went to extra work this morning, met a few people, but I think I'm learning how not to attract guys. Be completely uninterested, immerse yourself in a book or magazine, don't laugh at their jokes and rarely smile in their direction. I still manage to make friends, but it's just that...friends and not lovers. I like it. It's a feeling of power.
I really do want a boyfriend though. I just need a friend, really. It's so hard in L.A. to be alone, all the time. I'm finding though that I'm enjoying my roommates more. Recently they've come out of their couple shell and they feel more like friends to me then they have all year. It's nice. Last night when I got home, we just sat and chatted, no tv, no video, just the three of us sharing stories with one another.
Well, I think unfortunately, tonight is going to be an eventless evening. I have some shopping at Target and then perhaps I'll go catch a movie, by myself. Nice. I'll update later if anything super exciting is to occur!
Ba-donk-a-donk
January 11, 2009.
Meant to go to church this morning with Margaret. Woke up with every intention to, was getting ready, then we just sort of ran out of time. We decided to take a walk down to Starbucks and chat over coffee. Today was absolutely beautiful outside, perfect day for a stroll!
Felt like (maybe I’m just being narcissistic) lots of guys were checking us out at Starbucks today. Maybe it’s cuz I spent that little extra time on myself for the music video I had to go to later. I don’t know, but I kind of felt like a movie star.
Had to be in Pasadena by 1pm to start work on a Country Music Video I got cast in. I was running 20 min late and got there only to discover that it was only the director, my co-star and a camera. Lasted longer than we thought, so I had to miss Improv this evening. Which, I feel really guilty about and have decided for at least the next two months I will no longer schedule anything on Sundays to ensure that I make it to Detour.
My co-star was quite adorable and quite tall. I believe he was 6’7”. I’m only 5’2”, so it’s quite the contrast! He’s 24 and has been out in LA for two years. He was sweet, but I found myself having no interest in making idle chit chat. I was kind of socialized out. Lots of silent moments. However, while waiting for the lighting to be perfected and the camera angle to be figured out, I did find myself wondering what it would be like to sleep with someone that tall. Awkward, I would imagine. You could never kiss while making love. I would hate that! I need to be kissed!
My mind wanders to that a lot. Sex. I wonder if everyone thinks about it as much as I do or if I’m weird. I don’t think about it in the aspect of, “Ooh I wish I were having sex right now….” Or “I’d like to have sex with that!” I just find myself generally curious about the guys I meet and what they must be like in bed. Is that normal?
Well, neither my director or co-star mentioned my ring today. But, like I said, none of us were in a very chatty mood, so maybe they noticed, but just weren’t interested in finding out. Hmm…extra work tomorrow. Might be working with Neil and Miguel again, which would be nice, but I do kind of hope I have lots of time to myself. I’d like to read/write and contemplate things for a bit. We shall see!
Meant to go to church this morning with Margaret. Woke up with every intention to, was getting ready, then we just sort of ran out of time. We decided to take a walk down to Starbucks and chat over coffee. Today was absolutely beautiful outside, perfect day for a stroll!
Felt like (maybe I’m just being narcissistic) lots of guys were checking us out at Starbucks today. Maybe it’s cuz I spent that little extra time on myself for the music video I had to go to later. I don’t know, but I kind of felt like a movie star.
Had to be in Pasadena by 1pm to start work on a Country Music Video I got cast in. I was running 20 min late and got there only to discover that it was only the director, my co-star and a camera. Lasted longer than we thought, so I had to miss Improv this evening. Which, I feel really guilty about and have decided for at least the next two months I will no longer schedule anything on Sundays to ensure that I make it to Detour.
My co-star was quite adorable and quite tall. I believe he was 6’7”. I’m only 5’2”, so it’s quite the contrast! He’s 24 and has been out in LA for two years. He was sweet, but I found myself having no interest in making idle chit chat. I was kind of socialized out. Lots of silent moments. However, while waiting for the lighting to be perfected and the camera angle to be figured out, I did find myself wondering what it would be like to sleep with someone that tall. Awkward, I would imagine. You could never kiss while making love. I would hate that! I need to be kissed!
My mind wanders to that a lot. Sex. I wonder if everyone thinks about it as much as I do or if I’m weird. I don’t think about it in the aspect of, “Ooh I wish I were having sex right now….” Or “I’d like to have sex with that!” I just find myself generally curious about the guys I meet and what they must be like in bed. Is that normal?
Well, neither my director or co-star mentioned my ring today. But, like I said, none of us were in a very chatty mood, so maybe they noticed, but just weren’t interested in finding out. Hmm…extra work tomorrow. Might be working with Neil and Miguel again, which would be nice, but I do kind of hope I have lots of time to myself. I’d like to read/write and contemplate things for a bit. We shall see!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Closed off from Love
January 8, 2009.
Wow. So much to say about today. Got booked on an extra gig for today. Was working “Kath & Kim”. Big crowd scene. Arrived at 7:15am and ran into Miguel. I worked with him a few weeks ago, before I went home for the holidays. Sweet kid. 22yrs old and already married…hmmm.
We spent the entire day chatting. He remembered the ring. He noticed it last time, because he was talking about being married and then asked, “Well, what about you?” motioning to the ring (I had been wearing it on my left hand already). I couldn’t lie and after discovering he was married, felt quite safe to tell the truth about the ring. We also were chatting with Neil, another extra he knew from other sets and I had just met. Neil mentioned the ring and Miguel blew up my spot! He called me out and said, “Oh yeah, you’re one of those girls!” They both teased me about it quite a bit.
I just reassured them, “If only you knew what I went through with dating last year…” They prodded and teased and kept repeating, “You’re closed off to love!” (Jokingly of course).
They learned that I tend to date sensitive guys and yes, it is because I’m quite a strong willed woman, leaning toward feminism, but not quite that radical, I just like my independence. They of course started in on that and we talked about how two stubborn people just wouldn’t work. It made me think of Tony…the guy I dated for two weeks straight last January and broke up with because he was too stubborn to admit he was wrong and I was too stubborn to accept his non-apology. Two “stubborns” don’t make a right.
Then Miguel laughed and said, “I think she’s looking for a guy who knows exactly what he wants and won’t take shit from no one.” I think you are right on the money Miguel…so where are all those guys?
And is it so bad that I like to wear the pants in the relationship? Perhaps that’s always been the reason I leave the man first. Even when I’m still in love. Because I have the balls to make that decision. Oy…I’m sounding like such a hard ass. I hope no guys are reading this and getting totally turned off right now.
All I’m saying is that I like to be treated equal. I don’t like to be treated gently as if I’m fragile and will break if I open a door myself. I just want you to acknowledge that I’m capable of doing everything you can do and also be able to admit when I can do it better. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t like to need a relationship, but I’d like to want one. And I do want one. I want one with a guy who’s my best friend and can make me laugh. Who understands when I need space or girl time away from him. Who’s not threatened by the fact that most of my friends are male. Who understands that if I were going to cheat, I just would never have gotten in a relationship in the first place. Who knows that I don’t like to be cared for as if I was a child, but do need to be looked after when I’m blue or feeling ill. Where is this guy?? Does he really not exist??
Sam called tonight. Invited me to go out to a bar downtown with him tomorrow night. He makes me smile. Why am I so afraid of being close with him?
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