"Hungry Eyes"

September 1, 2009.

Another month...new adventures! I'm still in Florida with the fam. It's been fun but yesterday I experienced the sending and receiving of what I'd like to refer to as “hungry eyes”. I miss guys my age that don't have wives and children!! I miss flirting. I miss making out! I don't really miss sex. I never, ever crave it anymore. Maybe I've curbed my appetite.

Well, we were down by the pool bar yesterday at our resort and there was a boy (and by boy, I mean guy my age) buying a drink. He was fairly attractive and our eyes met...we fell in love...and lived happily ever after. Right.

We spotted each other and our hungry eyes spoke to one other as only eyes of 25 year old single people in a world full of 10 year olds can do. We were craving adult conversation, drunken nights and hooking up. I could see it. I could smell it. I was, of course, with the fam, so there was no flirting that was to be taking place. Humph. I miss L.A.

It's just so different here. I watch these families with their wives and husbands and kids and grandparents and I just think to myself, 'I don't know if I ever want this.' The dads are all frowning, the moms are pulling their kids this way and that way. The kids are either whining or crying or drooling or pooping and the grandparents have their arms loaded up with bags and stuff that no one's going to remember a month from now.

Happiest place on earth? Not so sure.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my family and I'm having a blast with my sis, bro-in-law and niece. But, I think a week of this is all I could handle. I can't imagine this being my immediate life.

Perhaps when I meet Prince Charming, I'll change my mind. But, I doubt it.

I text Drummer last night. Just want people in L.A. to know I'm still alive. I feel like being gone for a week makes me miss so much stuff! I know I'm probably not really missing much, but it feels like a month.

Also, I went to bed last night thinking about North. It's just so perplexing. He's done with work and he seemed to be enjoying my company when we were together, but no word from him. It's kind of shocking. I expected at least a “Hey! No more work! Victory is mine!” text, but my phone has remained silent.

Granted, he knows that I was going out of town, so maybe he just figures he'll give me space and talk to me when I get back. But really?? No word whatsoever? And then I do what I always do and make excuses for the boys I like, because I know I do these things myself. What if he's just waiting to hear from me? What if he assumes I haven't text or called because I'm the one who's over it? Argh!!!!

I'm just so frustrated with the whole 'mating game'. I just want a fun guy to spend time with and do things with and hang out with and sleep next to. I don't need marriage and kids and happily ever after. Don't they get it?? I'm probably the best girlfriend they could hope for?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Well, right when I get back there are going to be big Labor Day weekend parties going on all over Manhattan Beach. I've already invited Drummer, and I do hope he comes. I just wish it was going to be North. But, I obviously can't have them both there. Not gonna happen.

Alrighty, three more days with kids, candy and grumpy parents then it's back to Never-never land where I get to act like a child with people my own age, who refuse to grow up and get real jobs.

My niece said to me today, “I'm gonna go to college in California so I can live with you out there and then we can work at the same place!!”

“Cool!!” I responded with a great big grin. In reality I was thinking in my head, if in ten years (when she's off to college) I'm still working my restaurant job...it's time to re-evaluate my life.

I've gotta get a move on!