Learn from Mothers Mistakes.

September 2, 2009.

Yay! I'm beating my pattern! One two punch in the balls! I just text North, because quite frankly I was thinking about him all last night and all this morning and I miss him. I think we could have a really great thing and I'm just not ready to throw in the towel.

He's not like typical L.A. guys, that's why I knew there had to be something up other than him just not being interested. Apparently (I just learned) that his temp job has gotten extended 10 more days. It was supposed to be over and done with on the 27th, but now it looks like he'll still be working till this upcoming Friday.

After I text him that I was in need of some “adult conversation and a large glass of liqueur” he called me. He said, “I'm not sure if I have much to offer in the way of adult conversation, but...”

Adorable. I just really like him. I was picturing one of the Saturdays that we hung out and how I was sitting with him at one point, in a rather cozy position, very couple-esque and we were reminiscing about college. I loved that. It was really special to me.

So, I just told him that this next weekend once I'm home he should come and hang out at the new place. Since, after all it is going to be labor day weekend and there will be crazy parties and what not going on. He said he just might come down to hang out on Sunday...sounds good to him. Perfect. I know this is terrible, but now, if Drummer comes and hangs on Saturday, at least I won't have to be entertaining two guys at once.

I still think Drummer's quite cute and a great catch, I just can't shake North yet. Plus, Drummer'll be going on tour with his band in October and I just don't really want to date someone that's gonna be gone for awhile, even if it's just a month. I don't like that.

Man oh man, I'm ready to be back in the west.

I'm alone in the hotel right now because everyone else is going to the nearest Hess station to pick up some chewing tobacco for my bro-in-law. Sometimes I look at my sister and I just can't help but wonder what's going on in her head. Quite often I have to bite my tongue about things.

She's now a step-mother to an 8yr old, which means if it were her own, she would've had her at 19. Eek. She loves her stepdaughter but when I watch them, all I see is frustration in my sister's eyes. She's constantly telling her what not to do and very rarely says sweet things. Not that she isn't loving, I just feel like she's taken on the role of sergeant so that Daddy can be the best friend. The one who doesn't have to discipline. Then, Sister gets annoyed because Daddy isn't disciplining. It's a ridiculously obnoxious thing to witness.

Then, today, when the rain hit while we were in the park and we all had poncho's except for bro-in-law, and b.i.l. hasn't had his chewing tobacco for a week and hasn't had a single beer yet today, things got tense. And I just couldn't help but think to myself (and I held my tongue) that I was witnessing my father.

My father was a great dad. He was a great friend. He was funny and fun and lovable and generous. But when it came to being a husband...he was sort of a baby. My mom was constantly trying to “fix” whatever was ailing him at the moment and trying to make him happy...to no avail. Well, this is what I witness with Sis and Bro-in-law. He was a big baby today.

I just want my sister to be happy. That is all. And if she honestly believes this is the happiest she can be, then so be it. I believe it too. I just hope she isn't settling for someone that will drive her crazy like our dad did to our mom.

I love/loved both my parents and wouldn't trade them for the world. But, I do wish I could take all those years of depression and strife and fighting and tears out of my childhood and out of my mom's past and replace it with laughter and love and singing and joy. I fear our family wasted a lot of precious moments, believing our time together was endless. It was not.

Now, it's just me, my mom and my sis and I'm not willing to see any of the three of us unhappy! We are magnificently strong, beautiful, fun, smart women who deserve just as much in the men we end up with. I will not settle!