March 4, 2009.
Oh man. Let’s see. Went out for coffee with Sasha, who I haven’t seen in almost a year now. We met last January when we were in a play in Hollywood together. We were also both new to this city. I’ve been trying to get better at meeting up with people and rekindling old relationships. So we had a nice chat about how we’re both still single due to the fact that every guy we meet in L.A. is an asshole.
I kept thinking about Ray the whole time we were having our girl talk and was tempted to call him on my way back home and stop over and see him for a bit. But, I am trying to practice self-restraint in many ways. So, I did not.
However, after I got home, got ready for bed and was almost asleep I received a text saying, “You were on my mind all day today. If u are up right now, id come over for a cuddle and kiss. x” That was Ray. So I text him back and told him that I had thought about visiting him earlier in the night. He asked if he could come over for 5 min and I told him, no, I was already in bed. I’m still nervous about spending intimate time with him. I just don’t know.
Told my sister about him, which is sort of a big step, because I don’t like to tell her about just every guy; that seems stupid. Her advice about the age difference was to just not let it bother me. Ok…easier said than done.
Today, I did audience work…ugh, gag me with a spoon. But after the fifth show they taped, I was seated next to a cute guy and we struck up a conversation. He was kind of shy and I liked that. We didn’t even introduce ourselves, just chatted. When we were leaving we passed eachother and smiled and waved and cordially said, “Nice to meet you!” Even though, we never really did meet, now did we?
He was much more age appropriate for me, but I couldn’t help but picture a first date between us and how awkward the entire night would be. Even if we did end up hitting it off and wanted to pursue eachother further, it would start awkwardly.
I wonder if it’s because of Ray’s age that it isn’t awkward with him. He’s just so whole and complete within himself that nothing feels contrived or forced and everything just moves along super smooth and naturally. Hmm. I like that.
He’s supposed to come out with Lee, Miguel and me on Friday to see “The Watchmen”. I’m excited to go out, just not sure if or when I’ll be able to transition our relationship into something more personal and intimate. It’s weird.