March 12, 2009.
Well, I had sex today. And lots of it. Ok, so it was in a scene for a movie and it wasn’t really sex, more like making the “O” face while having a random guy pulsing up against me. But, it reminded me of how not fun having sex with someone you really don’t care about can be. Ha. I mean my fellow actor was wonderful and quite cute/sexy, but since there was no emotional bond, it just made me feel as though I was right back into last year in the arms of all those guys I let myself sleep with.
And I can honestly say I’m so happy that I don’t do that anymore. I am now two and ½ months abstinent and feeling fabulous. I don’t ever miss sex and I rarely desire someone in bed next to me these days.
Ok, so updates on the eharmony thing. I decided I don’t want to do it. As cool as it might seem for like the first week, there’s just all these questions. Like, how much can you really tell about a person by reading simple questions they answered on a website? How do you know if their picture is accurate? I don’t want to meet someone online because they think my picture’s hot. I want them to be attracted to my personality! It’s like being back in 8th grade and sitting at my computer after dark and signing onto AIM or into chat rooms and the boys would say: “Age/sex/location? Are you hot? Do you cyber?” Eww. I don’t miss those days and have no desire to go back to them.
So here I sit yet again, pondering if I’ll ever meet someone I desire to spend more time with. I’ll be honest, I had started a mini crush on the director of this film I worked on today and I felt a vibe, like we hit it off really well, he’s asked the question twice now, “So you don’t have a boyfriend?” and he loved every answer I ever gave to questions that was asked and he thought I did so wonderful and compliment after compliment. Then when we were leaving the set, he asked, “So what are you doing tonight?” And I said quite blatantly, “Nothing.” And then, as if the cameras were still rolling, I raised my eyebrows and took a sideways glance at him as if to say, “Here’s where you ask if I wanna go grab a beer with you.” But instead he said, “Really? Nothing?” and I replied, “I guess I should probably do laundry.” And from there the convo died and somehow five minutes later we were talking about his girlfriend. So, that’s a dead horse. Ha, I’m so pathetic.
Also, Ray text me yesterday saying, “I could really use some sympathy and cheering up today, got work done on my teeth and feeling sore and drugged.” Ok, now that’s such a man trap. Because we already had the discussion about how we can’t be just friends, therefore we can’t hang out, because I don’t want a relationship and I don’t want to be hugging and kissing a guy that’s not my boyfriend. But here he is asking me to act like his girlfriend and cheer him up, and if I take the bait and later say, “I was just being friendly” he’ll use it against me and say I was “leading him on”. I know how it works and I’m not falling for it!
He sent me two emails today and invited me to be his date to some event in April already. I don’t get it. A guy tells you he’s “falling in love with you”, you say “no thanks” and he still pursues. I don’t get it. Where are all the normal guys? Seriously, now!!!
P.s. it was totally fun making out with a perfect stranger all day long today and then being able to come home and not worry if the other person reciprocates your feelings…cuz there were none. It was fun!
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