I'm Broken...

March 1, 2009.

Happy March folks! Here’s to another month single! Where do I begin? So much happens within 24 hours…

Went out to see a friend in a play last night, afterwards we all went out to ‘Yogurtland’. Got a text from Band member #1, saying he wanted to cuddle. I thought, what the heck…what do I have to lose? I took a chance and drove all the way down to Redondo Beach, making the directions up as I went along, the whole time being optimistic and thinking, “Maybe he’s a great kisser and we’ll have terrific chemistry and I’ll fall for him…”

Well, that didn’t happen. Not even close. I arrived at his hotel, and apparently he wasn’t there, he was at the beach and there was “drama”. So I waited for 15 min and text him telling him I didn’t have time for drama. So he told me to meet him down by the beach, so I drove as close as I could and no sign of him. Then I decided to leave. I text him, “Alright, I’m heading home.” And he text me something about how he was walking back to the hotel with some drunk girl…I’d heard enough. I drove off.

But the weird thing was, even though I put myself out there, I wasn’t upset to be coming home alone. I think it’s because I don’t really have feelings for him. Which is a new thing I’m discovering: hooking up just ain’t as fun when you really don’t care about the person.

Today I slept late, got up and went for a nice long run then called Ray. He just moved to his new place yesterday and we were going to celebrate today. So we made lunch plans. I went to Ralph’s on my way and picked up a bamboo plant as a house warming present. It represents good luck and purity (ironically enough). I bought one for myself as well. I got to Ray’s around 3pm, he showed me his place, it’s quite cute.

Then we walked to get lunch. And walked…and walked…and walked. I sweat…and sweat…and sweat. It was humiliating. By the time we got to lunch, I was drenched with sweat. Ray reassured me it was “sexy”. Now what is wrong with me that I can’t get into a man that thinks my sweat is sexy???? Argh!!!

I actually really enjoyed spending the day with Ray, despite the perspiration. He is so damn cute. And that accent…killer. I told him I had to leave by 5:30pm for my improv tonight, which was a lie, I had until 6:30, I just wasn’t sure earlier if I was going to need an out or not. But truth be told, I wanted to spend more time with him.

I’m honestly dying for a day of lounging with him. I enjoy his company a lot and I just want a day that we can just be. Just be and not have to do anything. I think I’d thoroughly enjoy it. Ugh. I just want to be comfortable around someone. Just be myself. And here in front of me is this guy who I most definitely could be myself around, my plain jane, sweaty, goofy self, and he’d still want me.

What’s my damage??

Humph.