June 10, 2009.
Man. So thank you all for your honest opinions. I really truly appreciate them. I know in my heart what I have to do, even if it means no trip to Costa Rica. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the trip if it were smothered in lies. I do enjoy Todd. I think he's great and he deserves someone who thinks he's really great.
I've decided that next time I see him I need to be completely honest about how I'm feeling. I sat in acting class today and watched as one of my fellow actors smiled because he was single and happy with life and knew that the daily steps he was taking were leading him to a fruitful career and a rewarding future. I want that. I know that. I just need to now act that. I hate that it's easier said than done, but it is...
Ugh, so now I just have to figure out how to phrase this. I know I desperately want to just write him an email with all my feelings, but that would be a cop out, wouldn't it? I don't know, maybe an email with a follow up phone call? Is that any better?
I just feel so rotten already because I want to like him, I want to want to date him, I want to want to fall in love with him, but alas, I already know he's not 'it' for me. And I guess right now, at this point in time, no one is going to be 'it' for me. Because what I need now more than ever before is to be focusing on being the person I want to be in order to get my career started and get noticed.
I watch successful actors in interviews and when I occasionally see them in person and I marvel at how complete they seem. I want to be complete. So, here I go....
I haven't “talked” to Todd since he wrote me that email. I text him the other night at work saying, “Thanks for the email, made me smile, I work on sat. night, but would love to meet you at the party after I get done.” He text me back that he'd get me the complete details of the party and that he misses me. I text back that I miss him, but I did it out of politeness. I just don't know what else I could've said. Oh God! Why does this have to be so weird?! Why do we have to have such emotions?! Yuck.
On another note, Pete broke his ankle and is in the hospital, so I'm planning on visiting him and bringing some cheer. How lousy. As weird as our friendship has been lately, he's still my friend and I need to be there for him like I'd hope he would be for me.
And....i might just go ahead and get that tattoo tomorrow...at least a sketch of it and an appointment for next week. I'm psyched! CAN NOT WAIT!
On to tomorrow and more reality...