June 7, 2009.
So, I totally meant to write yesterday, but life has a way of being crazy busy these days. Here's a little game I like to call “catch-up”:
Friday night after work, I ran to Ralph's and grabbed some stuff to make dinner with Todd at his place. It was nice. His roommate, Kit, ate with us. She's alone for the weekend because her boyfriend (Todd's other roomie) is out of town. I haven't seen her for about a year, since the last time Todd and I were hanging out. Todd invited her over to my place on saturday(last night) cause I was having a get together. She was noncommital about it and later, Todd informed me that she had to ask permission from her boy. What??!!?!?!?
How twisted is that? Todd was disgusted by this and that night when we were heading to bed he said, “If I ever make you ask permission to do something...”
I finished his sentence, “I'd never talk to you again.” Today Todd referred to Kit as a prisoner. Weird. I mean, she's been with this guy for the past year and half now. Makes you wonder...does she like this treatment? Is that why she's stayed with him for so long. Also, maybe the perks are what makes her stay. She lives, rent free in a very nice apt. in Santa Monica and gets to go on about 4 vacations a year through her boyfriends work. (I'd have also been on those vacay's had Todd and I lasted).
Well, I spent friday night at Todd's. We made out, got nakey, but didn't have sex. I've decided I'm not gonna have sex with him unless he uses a condom. He was getting awful close and I wasn't about to ask. I want him to know that he has to wear one without having to tell him. As soon as he got too confident, I stopped him and he apologized. I think he got the picture. But I couldn't believe he didn't say anything like, “Should I get a condom?” or “Do you have a condom?” or anything! What is that? Well, no sex on friday.
Saturday (yesterday) was jam-packed full of activity. I was super busy and almost wanted to explode. I had planned on having people over last night for a game night. Originally it was gonna be real chill and just a few people. Then it exploded into a party with beer pong and everything. Oy. Lil' bro turned on the techno and things got loud. I was freaking out a little.
Pete came over and so did Todd. I wasn't really PDA with Todd all that much, but I kept getting these weird glances from Pete whenever I was talking with Todd. Jess came over to me at one point and said, “Pete's cute as a button!” and I told her, here in lies my dilemma:
Pete's a great guy, a lot of fun, funny, nice, but I'm not so much attracted to him. But I really do honestly see myself with a personality like that. Then there's Todd. He's very attractive, but sometimes pretty dull and has some habits that irritate the shit out of me, already. Now, if I could just have Todd's looks with Pete's personality, I'd be happy.
It's not that Todd isn't fun, it's just that he's older and wiser and over his goofy, crazy, boy stage.
Anywho, I sort of think that Pete was planning on staying over or something because when he got up to leave it was weird, because, he was pretty drunk. I didn't like the thought of him driving. But, I'm pretty sure that he got the hint by the end of the night that I was into Todd.
Todd slept over. He said, “I want you so bad...” I said, “Will you wear a condom?”
Ha, I feel like an afterschool special. Well, we did the deed. It was fun. I enjoyed it. And I've learned that when a guy is taking too long to cum, the five magic words whispered seductively in his ear are: “I want you to cum!” Bingo.
Todd freaked out for a moment after because he thought the condom had broke. It didn't. But, I couldn't help but laugh a little inside because why would he care since last year he was all gung-ho, no condom needed.
Well, waking up next to him this morning was a little better than yesterday morning. I could not sleep on friday night. I tossed and turned and even considered getting up at 4am and just leaving. But last night I was a bit more comfy. And it was nice being next to him.
Went for a walk with Lacey today and she goes, “What's holding you back?” I haven't really thought of it that way yet, I just kept thinking, 'well, I must just be over it.' But maybe I'm just protecting myself from actually falling for another guy. Maybe I don't want to be heartbroken again and the easiest way to avoid heartbreak is to not have feelings for anyone. Hmm...maybe I'm what's holding me back.
He wants to do dinner and a movie tonight. I'm in and kind of excited. It's weird (that is the word of the day) because it's like physically I have a boyfriend right now, but not emotionally. Usually its the other way around for me. Huh. Maybe I've forgotten how to have a boyfriend in the physical realm.
Oh my gosh...how could I forget the most crazy part of the weekend??? The cops busted my party last night. It was the stupidest thing ever...there were 10 ppl. Literally (i counted) in my apt last night and two cops opened my front door and told me that we really had to keep it down or else they'd be back with a citation. WTF? I hate my neighbors. It was 2am on a saturday night and ten people. I'm moving. Either because I'm going to receive an eviction notice this week or because I'm about to find a better place to live. Ugh.