June 11, 2009
So I sent the email:
So, ever since you brought up Costa Rica, I haven't been able to get my mind off things. I wish we saw eachother more often so I could have conversations with you face to face, but since I don't think I'll see you until Saturday, just wanted to let you know what's going on in my head.
I don't think I mentioned this to you before, but at the beginning of the year I took a vow that I would put myself and my career first. Last year was such a messy year with boys and emotions and it truly distracted me from the whole reason I came to Cali. I planned on spending this whole year single and abstinent (yikes, i know). Which, I've already failed and let my guard down on both points.
I really enjoy spending time with you and hope that we can continue to, I just want to be honest and let you know that I don't think I can get into anything serious right now. I'm not ready to be a girlfriend and I'm not physically/emotionally able yet to be there fully for anyone.
I'm not really sure how you see "us", but I would hate to ever be accused of leading you on in any way because that is not my intention. In my ideal world, we can still spend time together (sans sex, because it messes with my emotions). I want you to be honest with me at all times as well about how you feel.
Also, I want you to know that I appreciate your generosity and your invitations, but I never want you to think that is the reason I spend time with you...my favorite moments don't cost a thing.
Call me tonight or sometime before saturday when you get a chance so that we can actually talk. I hope your week has gone smoothly! Mine's been rather fast. I'd like to see you this weekend, but I understand if you don't feel the same."
Holding my breath to see the response...