I need to relax.

March 29, 2009.

Wow. So much, so much. Two nights ago, I hung out with Rick. Decided I wanted to walk to Ralph’s with him, get a bottle of wine and just stay at my place since it was my last night alone at my apt…*sniffle* I wondered if that was going to be weird for him since the last time we saw one another we were more than friends. He seemed fine with it. We grabbed a bottle of red and vegged in my living room. It was awkward. I remember now all the things that annoyed me about him and the reasons we couldn’t be more than friends. He always asks, “How are you feeling?” as if I’m recovering from some huge illness and he wants to make sure every five minutes I’m not going to puke. I feel fine…

Then he’s just so shy! It makes me feel so strange and all I think to do is talk and talk and talk to fill the silence. However, after a bottle of wine he becomes a lot more fun. That’s what I remember too, and that’s why it’s easy for me when I’m drinking to fall into traps. I start thinking he’s cute and sweet and wait, why did I ever stop liking him? Well, I was very good though and kept those thoughts at bay. Pretty much cuz I kept wishing it were Seattle sitting across from me…*sigh

Well, we talked for a good two hours or so, he got up to use the restroom and I was wandering around my wonderfully empty apt. He came up behind me and started massaging my shoulders. I let him. I’ve had the most uncomfortable sleep lately and really could use the massage. But it did in fact reaffirm the point in my mind that Rick is unable to be just friends with me. Humph. He wants to do dinner on Thursday and I’m not opposed, I just don’t want to lead him on. Also, one weird thing. He left my place around 11:30pm and I received a text from him about a half hour later saying, “You still up?” and I text back that I was, “What’s up?” and I didn’t get a text back for awhile, but he responded telling me he had gone to a bar after leaving my place and a “cougar” was hitting on him and he wanted an excuse to get away.

Now…I immediately thought two things, 1) why did he feel it was necessary to go to a bar after leaving my place anyway. Kind of weird and 2) um…by “cougar”, did he mean a woman more age appropriate for him?

Sorry, it just seemed odd to me. Ugh, anywho, yesterday was quite the eventful day. Went a party in the hills with Pete. He’d invited me a while back. It was his dad’s Best friend’s wife’s retirement…got that? So we decided in order to make the party more fun we’d just get trashed as soon as we got there. Yup. It was fun. We were sloshed by 6pm and decided we wanted the night to just keep going, so we planned an impromptu party at his new house.

First of all, the house was ridiculously huge and secondly we planned the impromptu party to end all impromptu parties. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that historic, but it was pretty bad ass seeing how many people showed and how much beer was drunk and how silly everyone was being. I may have inadvertently flirted with Pete’s best bud. I totally didn’t mean to send those vibes, but he started getting all close and giving me bedroom eyes and shit and I realized…uh-oh, time for me to back off. Oy, how does that happen??

Talked to Seattle a little while at the party. Miss him. A lot. Is it even realistic to miss someone you barely know? Probably not. He was out doing his own thing and having fun and I was out doing my own thing and having fun. I like that. At one point I was dancing with Lee in the living room, we were having our own little dance party and I just kept thinking about how great I feel. I wasn’t self-conscious because there was no one there to impress and I was happy because people I love surrounded me and I didn’t feel lonely.

And last but not least…I have a roommate. Blah. He came to the party last night, I thought it would be a good get to know you thing. He had fun, got drunk and I ended up driving us home, don’t worry I was way sober. I had stopped drinking pretty much when we got back from the first party. My roommate is…well, I’ll put it this way, I’ve gained a little bro. This could be good or very, very bad.

Called Seattle when I got home and into bed. Needed to hear his voice before going to sleep. I have a flight to Seattle, WA for the 17th of April. Can’t wait.

Btw, just a random note, the other night while chatting with Seattle on the phone he was describing this idea to me in all these technical/scientifical words and all I could think was, “God he sounds sexy.” And I told him that. I’m such a nerd.