Karma

June 30, 2009.

I'm at home in bed with a very sore throat right now...barely able to talk. I think it's karma.

I was supposed to be up and surfing with Madrid this morning. He called me yesterday and wanted to go on a “surf date” with me today. Very cute. So, I agreed. I slept through my alarm this morning and through a call from Vienna and from Madrid. Man oh man...karma.

Was supposed to work tonight too, but Lacey's going to cover for me since answering the phone usually takes a voice.

Ok, so I've been setting weekly goals for myself as a way to accomplish the things I need to accomplish in my life. I think two of my goals for this week are: 1)no drinking (the 4th is exempt, however) and 2)no sleepovers.

I think I can abide by these for a week. Then we'll see if it clears up my sickness and my crazy thoughts.

I sent an email to Seattle last night. I've been feeling a little off lately and realized what having him read my blog might entail. I was worried that he was thinking about “what if's”. What if we had stayed together? Would Irene have been cheating on me?

And I just wanted to clarify for him that I absolutely would not have cheated on him. I was falling hard for Seattle and when I fall for someone it makes me want to be the best possible person I can be. That's why sometimes I feel like I “need” a relationship. Because it keeps me focused and keeps me from making stupid mistakes. I'm always such a good person when I'm dating someone I really care for. And of course, good is “in the eye of the beholder”. Not that I think I'm a bad person for doing the things I do, but sometimes I do feel like I've strayed off the path of who I want to be in the long run.

Anywho, just rambling. I'll end this here, since I've made you all endure through my last two ridiculously long blogs.