Wednesday, July 1, 2009


July 1, 2009.

Ok, on to a new month. New beginnings? Doubtful. But new hope, I suppose.

Just got off the phone with Seattle. I cried. But not for the usual reason that I cry when I talk to him. I'm upset because my choices for the fourth of July right now are as follows:

1)spend the day alone since my girls are all working
2)spend the day with Seattle and his bro
3)spend part of the day driving 5hrs by myself to Scottsdale, AZ and meet up with Todd and his friends.

None of these are appealing to me because:

1)The fourth is my favorite holiday because it's spent with family and friends...not alone
2)If I spend time with Seattle I might end up crying anyhow...I think it'll be tough to see him and “just be friends”
3)I don't want to take a road trip that far alone and then spend the day with Todd's friends, who are great, but they're not my friends...

So, I don't know what to do right now. I'm pretty unhappy. I know I'll figure it out and probably have “the best fourth ever!” I'm just super bummed right now that it's not gonna be spent with my girls. Then through the conversation with Seattle, I realized just how much my girls really are my only friends out here...I've sort of lost all my others. This is not so good.

Ugh. Ok, well, let's see, it's a new month. So, I'm gonna set some new goals for myself. The first may be silly, but I think it'll actually be the easiest to follow:

1)I will not give my number to any guys this month. I don't like giving out my number usually anyway, because most often the guy asking is not one that I'm interested in, so I think if I just say it's a RULE for myself, then I'll be able to say no and walk away.

I would say my second goal is to not have sex, but that's a given and I'm pretty sure I'll somehow fail at this one, not that I'm planning on it, Vienna's in, well, Vienna; Todd's been super good at, well, being good; and I found out that I can actually say “no” to Madrid. So all in all, I think I have a good chance at success this month. We shall see!

That's the only goal I have so far, but I'm sure I'll come up with some other great ones.

Btw, as far as my goals for this week (no alcohol, no sleepovers) I'm doin' just fine!

Updates soon!

PS. Chatted with Vienna on Skype this morning...he's super sweet. I could have some gorgeous Austrian babies that would look like they were straight out of 'The Sound Of Music' if I ever desired to have children...not gonna happen.


  1. Sorry to hear your bummed!! I was the same way before our indenpendence day at May 17th. I hope it all works out for you, and that you do, like you suggest might happen, have "the best fourth ever".

    How did you loose all you other friends?

  2. HAha, love the "gorgeous Austrian babies" comment. Know your bummed, but try to have a good holiday wknd. Things will figure themselves out.

  3. Learning the be friends is the hardest part. i've been working on it for a few years now and am learning to accept that we will never be real friends.

  4. Carina: I'm not sure how I lost all my other friends, I didn't really have that many to begin with, but Miguel and Lee just became sort of distant and Pete and I got weird after our "close sex call". Ugh.