I was unable to get an internet connection in my apartment last night, unfortunately, but wrote this anyway so that I could post it today. Better late than never, right?
January 2, 2009
Second day of the year and I feel fantastic! I got my eight hours of sleep like I resolved to do. Got up at a reasonable hour. Checked my email, found out I had an audition this evening. Worked out for a bit (thank you Wii Fit for teaching me such an awesome workout). Then ran a few errands before heading out to my 6 o’clock audition.
I didn’t have many interactions with the male species today, but one thing I do notice about my ring is that it gives me quite an empowered feeling. When I get up, I have no one to impress. When I go to the store, I have no one to impress. When I work out, I’m doing it completely for myself and no one else. It’s wonderfully freeing!
So I went to my audition this evening feeling happy, confident and extremely nervous. It was for a role in a feature horror film. Seemingly perfect for me since last January I was off in Chicago filming a horror movie. I presented myself and I acted my heart out. I seduced, I screamed, I was horrified. Then the director asked me to improvise the seduction scene once again, only this time the reader (a rather adorable man with a scruffy beard and uncombed hair) was to be on camera with me. The director placed him in a chair and told me to move from behind him and "maybe sit on his lap". So I seduced this adorable scruffy man. It wasn’t hard at all to "pretend" to be attracted to him. God, I love acting!
Now here’s my dilemma…I tell myself that I’m spending a year wearing this ring in order to prove to myself I can survive without a man. But at the first sight of a potential conquest I can’t help but think about relationship stuff. How nice it would be to hit it off with this boy and go to movies and have sleepovers and long walks on the beach, blah, blah, barf.
How is it that society or I suppose human nature has made it impossible for a person to live without the hope of living along side someone else?? It baffles me that in this day in age, our most primal instinct is to find a mate.
On the drive home I reminded myself that "I am engaged", untouchable by the male species for the next 12 months. I still smile at the thought of this. I threw out a love letter from my ex today. I’ve never done that before, and to be honest, I’ll probably take it out of the trash before it’s permanent. But for now, it felt rather refreshing and I can’t wait to celebrate 12 months of not talking to him; he who broke my heart. The bastard. He’s not worth my thoughts, so this will be the last time I mention him, unless I need to mention something from the past in order for you, the reader, to better understand a current situation.
Ahh…day two, come and gone and just as satisfying as day one. I still remain positive and hopeful for this upcoming year...