Sunday, January 4, 2009

Church + Improv = Happiness?

January 4, 2009.

Let’s see…what to say about today. Well, woke up early enough to join Margaret at church. Something we’re trying out this year. Church was good. It was a sermon about being a better Christian and the tools you need to succeed.

The last time we went to this church I moved the ring back to my right hand. It just didn’t seem right having a false presentation of myself. And the way I saw it was, it’s not like guys are going to be picking you up in church, so there’s really no threat to being single here. However, this time I kept it on my left. I think I’m gonna try to never move it over, just so I get used to it and almost forget it’s even there.

Now, even though I’m in a house of God, I can’t help but think about the men around me. It’s just interesting. I find Christian men rather intimidating. I grew up surrounded by Christian men and they just always seemed so much stricter than others did. My father was a Christian man, but he was also a rather cheerful and humorous person. He did have quite the anger within him though. I think I associate wrath with men of faith as well. Which is sort of ironic.
But every time I go to church or am in a situation where there are religious men my age, I can’t help but think, "This is who I don’t want to marry". Sounds backward, but it’s true.

Went to improv tonight. Small group this evening, only four of us. Three girls and one guy. Now, I know I seem to have my focus on men, but that’s the whole point of this blog. To study men, while at the same time warding them off with my ring of abstinence!
Right when I got there we started talking about holidays and family. I brought up an argument that I had recently with my sister. Which in turn led to a discussion on marriage. I discovered that Brad, the only male improviser this evening, finds that dating a girl for three years should be the defining moment. "After three years you know if you want to marry them or not." I agree, but I think even sooner, you’d probably be able to tell. I think within the first year you know whether there is long term potential or not. Then you decide to stick with it and when you feel the timing is right, you take the next step.

I’m still undecided about marriage myself. Every time I think about it I just don’t see the point. But instinctually I always catch myself thinking, "Well, when I get married…" or "The guy I’m going to marry…"

The "ex" tried to friend me on myspace today. I immediately denied the request. May seem childish but I have to keep him out of my life in order to separate myself fully from that moment in my past. It just made me angry. I really, honestly saw myself marrying him. It just felt good. And here he is without the balls to pick up a phone and call me, so he simply friend requests me on myspace. Why are guys such pussy’s?? Argh! It’s been bothering me all day, even though I told myself I wouldn’t let it.

Well, I apologize that this weekend has been fairly uneventful and uninformative. I’m trying to set up plans next week to be much more social. Going out on Wednesday with my girlfriend Nikki. She always attracts attention (she’s a model, literally), so in turn I get the run off. Should be fun! This week better prove to make me stronger than I feel at this moment or it’s gonna be one LONG year!

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