Saturday, August 8, 2009
Calm after the Storm
August 8, 2009.
Well, as you all know, I can be, um...yes, a bit melodramatic sometimes. Ok, yes, most of the time. But how boring would a non-melodramatic blog be? Hmmm??
Well, I have a ginormous headache. And I do believe it's from the stress caused from the information overload the other day. I was feeling oh so shitty that I actually manifested pain in my own body. Humans are incredible creatures. Well, I'm slowly but surely getting over the shock of the other day's news, but I still have a headache.
Good news is...I've heard from North and we're supposed to hang out tonight! I went all day thursday and pretty much all day friday without him texting/calling and vice versa. Then on friday night, I just felt so stupid and kept thinking, “Well, what if he hasn't text or called because he thinks I'm over it...” So, I text him.
North: “Hey, dude.”
Ohmygod!! “Hey dude”???? He's soooo over it. I'm not texting him back. He hates me. Our friendship is over. He must think...*riiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg*.
He called even before I knew how to respond to that. I'm an idiot. I do overreact.
We chatted briefly. He said I sounded “underwhelmed” or “perhaps that's just you.” I explained that I still just feel really weird about the whole situation and I'm just not sure how to go about it. Also, I told him it had been a somewhat rough week...possibly why I sound “underwhelmed”.
Then he said, “Are we still on for tomorrow?”
And like a complete dork I responded, “Yeah! Well, if you still want.”
So, he just called me a little bit ago and told me he gets done at 8pm and feels like a chill evening...so dinner and a movie at his place. Sounds good. Check. See you then.
I have to, have to, have to, HAVE TO work on my defensiveness. I don't let myself get excited when I answer his phone calls because if I don't care now then I won't care later when it all falls apart. This is no good way to live. I went for a long walk with Lacey the other day and we talked about how it's just so much easier when you don't care. And it really is. It's probably less fulfilling, but it hurts less also.
Humph. Well....in other news, just so you know there's more going on in my life than boys, we signed our lease yesterday down in Manhattan Beach!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so uber psyched! Totally new chapter in my life.
I was telling Nikki and Lacey (my soon to be roomies) how I feel like this apartment is the first one I've ever chosen to live in because I wanted to and not because it was a necessity. I'm in a part of L.A. that I think I will truly fall in love with and probably won't want to leave for a very long time. I'm living with people who I truly adore and feel as if they've been my family my whole life, even though I've know them less than two years. It just feels so right. Everything will work out. The sun will shine and the waves will roll in Manhattan Beach. And I'll be out there attempting to soak it up and surf! Yay!