Past Comes a knockin...

August 6, 2009.

2:27am

Had a very unexpectedly interesting night.

Um, first, I'll update about North. Think he's officially scared off. But then again, I could just be overreacting because I'm a very paranoid person. I mean when I left this morning everything seemed fine, kiss goodbye, hugs, the usual. But he didn't text me all day. I couldn't take it anymore, so around 3pm I text something stupid, just to get the ball rolling.

It didn't go as planned. I tried again a bit later. Again, not the response I was hoping for. Then, no phone call, no nothing. I mean, it is very very possible that he worked till late tonight and perhaps is even now just getting home, but he usually is a texting fiend!! So, I'm a bit saddened and nervous.

He's not a California a**hole, so, what happened? I get it if he's nervous or wants to take things back a step. He's been through a lot. So, I don't want to rush, but I need honesty! I can't stand not knowing how someone's really feeling. I'd rather he be honest and tell me he's not interested then avoid talking to me at all cost. That's so much worse. Ugh. I'll stop. I'm sure I'll hear from him tomorrow.

Ok, in other random news, I get this text from a number I don't know while I'm at work: “Hey Irene! It's Drummer from the rock band L***. How the hell are you? I wanted to drop in because rumor has it that you live in la and I do now as well...”

I don't know if I mentioned this in earlier posts, but I worked on Warped Tour last summer and became friends with a bunch of band guys. This guy is in a particularly popular band, so I won't mention which, for privacy sake. But, it was so unexpected that he even remembered who I was! I mean, I remember hanging out quite frequently with a couple of his band mates, but he was always kind of shy and in the background. Well, it turns out he moved out here about a month ago and now he wants to hang. He said, “We should grab a drink sometime!” So I said, “Definitely!”

Then, to make the evening even more exciting and random than it possibly could be, an old familiar face walked into C's while I was working and I think my heart literally stopped.

It was Tony.

I have not seen nor talked to him since February. Wow. My body was stuck to the ground even though my mind was screaming to run away as fast as I could and I have no idea what I looked like but I imagined that it wasn't pretty. Wide eyes, jaw dropped, eyebrows raised, possibly mouthing the words, “F-no!”

But, I am an actress, so I simply smiled and said, “Hey, how are you?” And stood there having about a five minute convo with him. He said, “You look good.” I didn't know how to respond, because usually you say something like, “Thanks, so do you!” But, that would have been a blatant lie.

Then I sighed and said, “Well, this is awkward.” And we actually kind of had a laugh about it being awkward. Then I got distracted by customers and he was just there to pick up a to go order, so he paid and came over to say goodbye.

He said, “Well, I would say see you soon or call me sometime, but I know you wouldn't.”

And I said, “Yeah, you're probably right.”

And he said, “Do you still even have my number or did you delete it?”

And I replied honestly, “You know, I don't even know.”

Then he said, “Well, I got a new phone, so I don't have anyones anymore.”

Me, “Is this the part where I'm supposed to give you my number?”

Tony, “Well, I feel like we should have a conversation.”

Me, “Yeah, I suppose we should.”

Tony, “So what's your number, I'll call you.”

Me, “555-----”

Tony, “What time do you get off? I'll give you a call later.”

And he actually did call. I didn't hear my phone ring, but he left a message. I don't know whether or not I should call him back. I mean, he was such a disastrous part of my existence last year and I've actually gone since Feb. without talking to him. If I invite him back into my life now, things could go downhill...and fast. The weird thing though was that despite how angry he made me back then, my first instinct was to hug him.

No matter how hard I try not to have feelings (and I don't mean love, lust or desire, I sort of just mean caring) for him, I always find myself magnetized to him. I think he feels the same. Why else would he have come into C's to pick up some food, knowing I was working tonight? He knew because I was the one who answered the phone when he called. And he came anyway, instead of hanging up, he ordered and came in. He knew he was going to see me.

And c'mon, if people don't believe everything happens for a reason, then explain this. Tonight of all nights I run into him...I wasn't even supposed to be working tonight. I was supposed to be at a rehearsal an hour earlier, but somehow, I got stuck staying late. Hmmm?? So, I'm curious why I was supposed to run into him tonight. There is a reason.

Ok, wow, this post is uber long. So, I'll make this last bit short as possible. After seeing Tony I needed something fun. I got off work and text Drummer and told him I'd meet him up in Thousand Oaks later at Borderline Bar & Grill where he was checking out a band. I haven't seen him since last August. About exactly a year. I was kind of nervous that I wouldn't recognize him. But, I did. He's a 25yr old man that looks precisely 16 yrs old. He has the babiest of baby faces.

I had forgotten how old he actually was, so all night I felt so wrong hanging out with him. He was clearly hitting on me and I just felt like such a cougar. I kept thinking, “oh god! His mother would hate me right now!”

But at the end of the night he made a joke about not looking his age and how ridiculous it was that he was 25. I was ever so relieved!!! Now, I might actually hang with him again. Man. Age is pretty important. I just hated the thought that I was hanging out with a boy and not a man. So weird.

Nikki and her current beau came along and they were drunk and super fun. I'm glad they came. I was DD, so nothing stupid took place, thank goodness. I'm glad I didn't kiss Drummer or he didn't attempt to kiss me goodnight, because if I do hear from North soon, I want him to know in his heart that I've been good.

Argh! Drummer text me once I got home and said, “Glad you came out and I can't say I won't hit on you more next time we hang...”

What the hell? Why are all these guys coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden?

It's weird, but I like it! If I'm surrounded by options, but keep them all at a distance and in the “innocent” zone, I think I'd be able to abstain for quite awhile. I know, I know. I say this all the time!