Thursday, August 6, 2009

F*ck my life.

August 6, 2009.

Fuck my life. Fuck it.

I guess karma really is a bitch because I just can't seem to catch a break.

My phone is silent. No word from Todd, no word from North.

Heard from Tony and fucked up my entire day. Just when I was getting over what happened between us six months ago, he had to go and tell me the whole truth and fuck me up as if it happened yesterday. God, I don't even know if I can bring myself to write about it. I want to rip him out of my life and my memory and pretend he never had his dirty as balls in my life.

I'm nauseous and wish I could just throw up a whole years worth of hatred, sadness, anger, contempt, blah blah blah. I just want to purge myself of that past so badly!

And now I just don't know if I can ever trust anyone, guys and girls alike. I'm really fucked right now.

I trusted that Todd had changed and genuinely wanted to make things happen between us and now he's MIA just as if it were still the first few months after we met.

I trusted that North genuinely was excited about what was happening between us and now he hasn't text/called for a whole day, which is odd for him. I don't think he has any intention of contacting me again.

I trusted that Tony and fucking Lindsay were telling the truth about what actually happened that night in february. But now I'm just an ass for falling for their bullshit. Turns out, Lindsay had suggested the whole threesome bit and Tony went with it and after I left and was walking back to my house in the sketchiest part of town with no more battery on my phone, they fucked. Then to put a cherry on it, I paid for Lindsay's cab back to my place and she made me feel guilty for leaving her alone there.

Have I said it enough yet? FUCKING ASSHOLES.

Yeah so fuck my life. Fuck it.


  1. Oh, no. :( I'm sorry you're having such a rough day... and especially finding out all of that stuff about the scumbag Tony! What an ass. I hope things get better for you... but please stay away from men like Tony!

  2. I've been reading your blog for awhile now and really enjoy your writing. I don't have anything constructive to suggest, just wish I could give you a big hug right now. :(