Simple Solution?

August 12, 2009.

Went to silverlake with Manny and the girls. It was like an acting class reunion. The bartender was from my class, the bouncer was from the class and one of the girls sitting at the bar was from my class. I now realize I have many persona's and I rarely let them mingle. So, here was my Manny persona, my drunk persona, my class persona all clashing heavily against one another.

I only had three drinks tonight, but I feel pretty darn tootin' wasted. I drunk text North. I want to be with him tonight. I just want to feel his lips against mine and lay next to him fingering his tattoo. Ugh. I'm too impatient!

We're all going out again on Thursday and all I can think is, “I wish North was going to be there!” But he's not because of work. Then Nikki wants to go line dancing at Borderline on Saturday night and all I can think is, “I wish North was going to be there!” But he's not because of his bro in Santa Barbara.

I might call Drummer, but a part of me feels guilty doing that for two reasons, 1) because I really like North and don't want to jeopardize anything between us and 2) I don't want to lead Drummer on thinking that there could be more between us, because frankly right now, I'm not open to it.

Oh man. Why can't I just have one clear choice and it be good and not complicated and I won't have to wait for it or fend off other options, “in case” it works out. I need a simple solution!!!!

Where's my simple solution?!?!?!?!

I'm tired of going to bed alone. That is all.