Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The way things were...

August 10, 2009.

I'm pretty happy, but a little doubtful.

I started cleaning and packing up my apartment today for two reasons. 1) To get a head start on what may become a very stressful month and 2) My sister's ex, Manny, who's like a brother to me is coming to visit tomorrow for a few days.

I never knew how much his opinion mattered to me until today. I was scrubbing the house because I want him to be proud of where I live and proud of the life I've gotten for myself.

It's interesting, because Manny and my sis were highschool sweethearts and dated for 7 yrs. My sister decided at the end of the 7yrs that she needed a ring on her finger or she needed to move on. Well, they were already living together and Manny is a product of divorce and isn't too fond of the idea of marriage. So, when Jennifer (my sis) confronted him with this option, he told her he was “happy with the way things are” and that he doesn't want to get married.

What a tough place to be in. They had to break up. Not because they didn't love one another, but because they wanted different things. So, I've remained friends with Manny because, well, frankly, he's been around since I was 16 (almost ten years!!!), he taught me how to drive stick, he knew my father (who passed away years ago) and he's just a great person. I honestly can't imagine my life without him.

My sister knows we still talk and hang out, and it doesn't thrill her, but she's openly admitted to the reason being that she's jealous that she doesn't still get to hang out with him. Understandably. I've told her that if she ever wants me to stop seeing him, I would, in a heartbeat. She's my sister and of course more important to me. But, yeah, I'd probably be somewhat bitter and a bit upset. She knows she can't do that to me.

He really is the one stable male relationship I've had since before my father passed away. So, I kind of really need him in my life.

Needless to say, I'm psyched that he's coming tomorrow and staying for a few days. It's gonna be a blast!

On to North News...he's adorable. He text me all day yesterday and a bit today. Everytime I think about him I smile. When he walked me to my car on sunday morning he held my chin in his hands and kissed me, oh so gently, goodbye. I loved it.

However, here's my dilemma. He's definitely damaged from his very recent past relationship (why does this keep happening to me, ahem, Seattle). I truly believe he likes spending time with me and I truly believe we could have something great. But, I'm not willing to get into much of anything with him until he's over his ex...which will take quite awhile, seeing as it was 10yrs long and only been 5 months apart. Eek. I'm ready to find a relationship and he's def. not ready to be in one, at no fault of his own. I do want to continue to hang with him, but I'm worried that I'll be giving up something I want and falling for someone I can't be with.

What do I do? I guess I just have to see how it goes. Take it slow. And if something else comes along that says, “I'm ready and willing...” I have to be open to that. I can't wait around for someone anymore!
Ugh. I wish North had broken up with this girl years ago and that he was just now ready to seriously date. Then it would be even more perfect than it already seems to be.

Alright, 6 hours before I get up to hike! Laterz!!

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