Feeling Hopeless...

February 16, 2009.

Now I’m really gonna cry. I had just written about 4 paragraphs of this blog when MSWord encountered a problem and decided it would be best to close…I don’t even want to try to come up with what I had already written. ARHGHGHHGHGGHGHGGGHGHGHGHG! I despise technology.

Ugh, lets see I started talking about Ray. I think I’ve decided I can’t get past the age thing. It’s just a bit much. As fun and adventurous as he wants to be is fine, I just feel as though there will be things that I will want to do and he won’t be able to or when hanging out with friends, it would be kind of weird, right? I don’t know what to do now. He called me today from a private number or else I probably wouldn’t have picked up. He told me of his car troubles and how much it’s going to cost to fix and then informed me that the thing on his lip the other day wasn’t a cold sore…”thank goodness, cold sores are awful.” I didn’t want to know that. I mean, yes, of course it’s nice to know that before we ever kissed or slept together…eeek, but too much information for the meantime.

Will I ever find a normal, nice, good looking man within an acceptable age group who desires to have a meaningful relationship and not just sex or a fling? Forecast not looking so good.

Adain text me today saying. “off to SLC…see you in a week kiddo…plan on hangin’ out more when I get back.” What’s odd about this text is the fact that right before he sent it I had been having an inner monologue. It was about how I can’t see myself with someone who calls me ‘kiddo’ for the mere fact that my father did and I can’t disassociate the two.

I’m frustrated right now. I’m so tired of having nothing on the horizon. If I want sex…I could have it. If I want a great make out session…done. But as soon as I actually want a boyfriend, no where to be found. Where have all the good men gone? How come there’s not a single one left for me? Where is he hiding?

Moral of the story…no matter how cute an accent is, it becomes unattractive the moment it says the words “cold sore”.