I want you to want me!

August 24, 2009.

“There's blood in my mouth 'cause i've been biting my tongue all week.
I keep on talking trash, but i never say anything.
And the talking leads to touching,
And the touching leads to sex,
And then there is no mystery left.

And it's bad news, baby i'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

I know i'm alone if i'm with or without you,
But just being around you offers me another form of relief
When the lonliness leads to bad dreams,
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you,
And i call you and say "c'mere!"

And it's bad news, baby i'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

And it's bad news,baby it's bad news
It's just bad news, bad news, bad news
'Cause you're just damage control
For a walking corpse like me,
Like you,
'Cause we'll all be portions for foxes.
Yeah, we'll all be portions for foxes.

There's a pretty young thing in front of you
And she's real pretty, and she's real into you
And then she's sleepin' inside of you.

And the talking leads to touching, then the touching leads to sex
And then there is no mystery left.

And it's bad news. I don't blame you,
I do the same thing. I get lonely too.
And you're bad news; my friends tell me to leave you,
That you're bad news, bad news, bad news

You're bad news,baby you're bad news
And you're bad news, baby you're bad news
And you're bad news
I don't care i like you
And you're bad news
I don't care i like you
I like you”
[ Portions For Foxes Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

I just heard that song, it's by Rilo Kiley. Wish I could say I wrote those lyrics, cuz it pretty much sounds like my life. Oh Rilo...how you sing my soul!
Not much news to report today. Still packing. Still cleaning. Still no word from North.

I was feeling pretty happy earlier today so I text Drummer, “What are you doing tonight?”

Apparently he's driving up to Redwood City to play a show tomorrow. Our schedules really just don't match up. I told him I'm leaving on friday for a week so we better hang soon!

It's funny for awhile I didn't want to hang with him again because I just don't want to lead him on if I do in fact have a chance with North. But now the more I think about it, I've been pushing away the one boy that's genuinely interested in spending time with me. Drummer texts all the time trying to get me to hang out and I continually say, “Not tonight”. Well, not anymore! I think I'd like to spend time with a boy that wants to spend time with me.

It's all just part of my pattern. I go for the unavailable, uninterested ones because they're more of a challenge. C'mon...who doesn't choose the hard to get ones?

Over that game. Drummer...let's hang!

p.s. Nikki's already had sex twice in the new place...I feel some bitterness arising in the next few weeks. Thank goodness I'm headed out of town for a full week! Eek!