Monday, July 6, 2009
July 6, 2009.
Man, still coughing, but my mind feels clearer. I think my funk is slowly fading.
Yesterday I was feeling quite a bit better when I woke up. Still spent most the day being lazy, drinking orange juice to ensure my complete recovery before the concert Lacey and I were attending that evening.
We headed off to the Hollywood Bowl at 5:30 to see Tegan & Sara and Deathcab for Cutie. The main topic of our discussion was: Boys. Men, if you will.
We were talking about how it's hard to have a girls night when we all go out because 1)Nikki is prime boy bait and they can't help but flock and 2)Nikki is so boy crazy even if we wanted just a girls night, I don't think she could handle it!
Lacey and I are not unattractive. We've both got great eyes, great smiles, great style, we're fun, we're positive, we're happy, we're smart, we're sassy. So, why is it that when a man walks into a bar we are the last thing he notices?
We're tired of it. We want to meet guys that genuinely care about the girl inside (I know that sounds like such a “fat kid” thing to say), but for reals, we both are pretty confident within ourselves, but time after time, when we're stuck talking to the “wingman” or the “less fortunate looking” ones, we can't help but wonder.
That leads us to our next problem, we're so tired of “looking”!! And I don't mean that as in, we're tired of trying, because even when we're not “trying” our bodies and minds are instinctively “looking”. For example: Last night at the concert we went with the intent to have a good time, just us girls and great live music. We succeeded in this, but there is no doubt in my mind that Lacey was thinking the same things that I was every time a cute boy walked by. No matter how much you tell yourself you don't want to look, your brain refuses to give up.
Oy, well anywho, that was just my random rant.
Last night Todd slept over. I warned him that I still couldn't kiss him, because I still have something and I don't want him getting it. As if sleeping next to me and not kissing me will really deter anything from getting to him...eek.
Well, I loved sleeping next to him last night. It was so comforting. I kept waking up and I'd realize he was there, I had forgotten and I'd reach over and rub his sunburned back gently or I'd wrap my arms around his waist or toss a leg over his. It was so nice. I needed it. Comfort.
I know I sound hypocritical since the last post I'm talking all about “clean slate” and such, Todd being one of the things I would have to erase, however, I'm not ready to yet. I'm not done figuring out what it is exactly that I want from this. I genuinely do like him. I enjoy his company. I just have to figure out what it is that's holding me back...