Redemption.

July 11, 2009.
3:40pm. Ok, almost thirteen hours since my last post and I take it back. I don't hate Saturdays...they're just always one of my more busy days, so I was feeling grumpy about not getting to sleep in and not getting to sleep next to Todd.

He redeemed himself today. He text and said he laid down to take a nap last night and didn't wake up till this morning. He said he was really upset at himself for falling asleep and tonight I should consider him my “stalker” because he just wants to go wherever I'm going.

Will commented on my last post: “whoa...are you falling for Todd???? :)”

Am I falling for Todd...hmmm?. Well, perhaps. I think I'm falling for the stability that he brings to me. Knowing that he genuinely cares for me and likes spending time with me and doesn't need the sex factor is really fabulous. I'm feeling more and more able to be myself around him (I was having concerns about this) and I'm enjoying his company more because it's him, Todd, and not because it's just a guy.

Falling for him...I don't want to jump on that train just yet, but perhaps if things continue to go as nicely as they have been. I think we're both equally terrified to jump into a full fledged relationship just yet, but I could see maybe in another month or so.

I do find myself still looking, when guys pass by or come into work, I definitely check them out. But, I'm quicker to push any thoughts of them out of my mind and focus on Todd, and it often makes me smile. I think that's a good sign.

I guess I really like the balance that Todd and I have right now. We're into eachother but there are no rules or limitations that we impose. He likes that I'm uber social and go out with my girlfriends all the time and never asks me to change plans for him. I like that he goes golfing with his boys on the weekend and would never ask him to change those plans. I'm just terrified that this may change...I'll try my best to keep it how it is, because for some strange reason, it's just working.

So, I'm gonna step back and just let it work, I suppose.

And in case any of you were wondering, I have not had sex this month and I'm trying my hardest despite sleepovers with Todd to keep it that way. I want to make sure I've got a good clean slate for awhile. Let's just hope Todd doesn't explode (no pun intended). I think he genuinely cares enough to not try anything until I'm 100% ready. And trust me, it's just as hard for me to say no, but I always try to think about how I'll feel the next day if I keep the promise I made to myself to abstain.

Oh poor Todd...he had no idea what kind of mess he was getting into...