"She's a Hater!"

July 24, 2009.

There is no better word to describe how I'm feeling right now, than 'SHIT'. I've had one of the most incredible days (yesterday technically) and yet right now, because of my past, I feel like shit. And not just the kind of human feces that comes out when you're eating a healthy diet full of veggies and fiber, but the kind that oozes out of a dogs derriere after he's eaten human food off the kitchen floor and knew he shouldn't, then a little kid accidentally runs through it while playing in the grass and his favorite shoes, which are now soiled with this oozy dog shit get thrown in the garbage and taken to a landfill, there to forever sit and stink amongst its own kind.

Ok, well let me back track.

Spent all day yesterday with my girls. It was our last thursday with Jess...she leaves for Hawaii in just a few days. We're all gonna cry. So we took her to Six Flags: Magic Mountain, since she's been dying to go. It was a blast, it was hot, it was sweaty and the lines were long, but every minute was worth it to be with my ladies.

Then we had to rush back, Lacey had work and I had an audition then off to rehearsal.

I almost didn't go to the audition, because, well, I was feeling exhausted and lazy. But, something just kept saying, “Go...you should go!”

So, I went. And...........long story short, I got the part! Not gonna say too much about it, because still want to keep me, myself and I a somewhat secret. But, I just have to say 'thank you' to my girls first of all and secondly to this blog, because without the things I've experienced this year, I never would have gotten the part. I read the sides and I just about died, because this girl is me, this girl is Nikki, this girl is Lacey. Not so much Jess, because she's not single and totally devoted to her man. But, wow. It just had to be me! And, here I sit, still semi glowing after my first (already) rehearsal with the cast.
I'm stoked. I feel rejuvenated. I remember why I came to L.A. To act. Not to fool with boys, not to find true love, not to be a waitress in a crummy restaurant. I came to L.A. to be an actress.

I'm back. It's amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Anywho, I rushed out of rehearsal, because, although this was such a great opportunity, I was being a shitty friend and missing out on Jess's going away party at Senor Fred's. I sped back to the valley and discovered that S.Fred's was closed, I had missed a call from Seattle (really?) and my phone was now too dead to call and find out where everyone was. Luck of the draw. I drove by Off Kilt and there was Nikki. I pulled a U-y (how do you spell that, I've never tried before) and ran across the street just in time to spend the next 45 min with my ladies.

The night was great. I was referred to as a “hater” because I made fun of a guy who was hitting on Nikki and using pathetic pick up lines. I'm just so over being “nice” and pretending. I almost announced to everyone outside that I no longer like men. Just to get them all to shut up.

I wasn't even drunk, but I was fiesty! I'm over sugarcoating bullshit. Just freaking say it like it is!!!!!

So, finally here I sit at home, 3:08am on friday and I just read the email and listened to the message from Seattle.

Again, long story short, turns out some photos and comments leaked into the internet and Seattle is requesting that I delete them. He is completey right, and I told him so, I was just kind of stupid. I haved a shared page with my girls where we post pics and what not so that we all have access to them. However, there's a password and only the four of us know it and we only post things on there knowing that it's for the four of us and not the world.

But alas, the internet sucks big balls and somehow our whole page has been public. Um...the only thing left unanswered right now is how exactly did Seattle stumble across this page...and why?

I wrote him an email, accepting all guilt. I do feel like an ass. It was rude and childish. I should've known better at my age than to trust the internet. Now I know. Better to learn this now than when something really serious came up (like my sex tape...haha, totally joking. Or am I?)

Anywho, I need to try to be less of a “hater” I suppose and go back to being a nicer person. I used to be so nice that I never used a swear word. I don't know how I ever f*ing did it. Damn.

Alright. Well, I'm gonna try to get some sleep and not let this ruin the incredible mood I was in earlier as I was orgasming with joy in my car over my career achievement.

Live and Learn.