Slowing Down...

July 12, 2009.

Todd's a great listener. I invited him over last night to join me for a drink and a movie at my place when the UFC fight was finished. I couldn't get the sound on my computer to work (per usual), which is what I watch movies on (no t.v. for me!) and I was getting frustrated, but Todd just grabbed me and cuddled with me on the couch and said, “Forget the movie...”

Then he proceeded to listen to me ramble on about work, palm springs, Nikki, life in general. I realized I was talking...A LOT, and he was just listening intently, taking it all in.

Guys, it's true. Women like men who listen. It's just comforting to know someone cares about what you have to say however menial the topic.

We decided to go lay down in bed and I told him to tell me more stories about his life. I lay next to him as he held me close, it was my turn to listen.

Ok, I think Irene is falling. Maybe just a bit.

The strange thing about L.A. is that even though everyone is so “beach bum” chill, they're always in a rush to find the “next best thing”. This is true in their dating habits as well. Hence, no relationship for me the past year and 9 mo's I've lived out here.

This has infiltrated my mind as well, and I've forgotten that sometimes, you fall for someone gradually. The more you hang out with them, the more you learn, and the more you like. I'm gradually falling for Todd. Just because it wasn't passionate right away, doesn't mean that won't get more and more passionate down the road.

But, I have to admit it is tough, because this L.A. mindset is hard to get rid of. I met Nikki down in Manhattan Beach after my audition today. She was hanging out with her “next best thing”, and Surfer. We all hung at the beach for a bit, then headed to Sharkeez for a bite to eat where I met her “next best thing”'s roommate. Cute. Sweet. Funny. Oh my.

I mean of course I'm not smitten, but my mind started turning and I had silly 'girl meets boy' thoughts. Then I had to stop myself. What about Todd???

Of course nothing happened, not even a number exchange, but if this is happening before Todd and I are even official, I'm kind of scared to become official and take the chance that I'll f*up. I wanna be so head over heels for someone that I'm committed to that I don't even realize other males exist. Is this possible?

Nikki said that before I got there she told Surfer that I had a boyfriend so that he would get the hint that nothing is going to happen. She told me that she was explaining to the two of them that “Irene's trying to be good and date just this one boy.” And they looked at her and said, “Well, isn't that what 'dating' means?” Whoops...not in our bubble.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly shake this L.A. mindset because even today, I've been thinking about Madrid and how we should set up a time to go surfing again (no, Irene...that would be bad) and CRAgent contacted me today out of the blue. Haven't heard from him in weeks, but he was recovering at home from his weekend in Vegas and asked if I wanted to come hang. I kind of wanted to (no, Irene...that would be bad).

Argh, being single is almost easier than being in a relationship I think. Less rules and regulations. Less chances to f*up.

Todd and I are not labeled yet, but I kind of want to act like we are, just so that I don't screw up a potential future with him. I'm happy right now. Let's not mess with that.