Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Over the Valley...and through the B.S.

July 28, 2009.

Shouldn't have done it. I text Todd. It was 10:30pm and I was missing him. Text him to see if he was still awake. He responded that he was about to put down the book he was reading and head to bed. Not the response I wanted. Then asked when he was going to get to see me, to which I responded, “Was hoping tonight, but I guess not. Prolly not for a week.”

I have a friend visiting for the rest of the week, so I wasn't exaggerating and we may be taking a road trip to San Fran for a couple of days, so I really probably won't get to see Todd for a week.

Now, any sane person that had feelings for or was hoping to start a relationship with or wanted to show some form of emotion for someone else would have taken this opportunity to say, “That's not ok. I'm gonna come over now.” or “I can't wait that long. Come see me tonight!”

Well, then, Todd is not a sane person that has feelings for me or is hoping to start a relationship with me or wants to show me some form of emotion. He responded, “I feel like I'm being punished.”

I feel like I'm being punished. Well, so do I. I feel like the world is punishing me by handing me man after man that is void of showing me affection. Man after man that is void of wanting to be with me. Man after man that oggles my best friend and pretty much ignores the fact that I exist or have a personality too. Yes, world, I feel like I'm being punished.

I guess that's it for me and Todd. I just can't take it anymore. I'm not willing to sit around week after week in hopes of seeing him at least once and that one meeting just being mediocre. I am not ok with this. Todd, it's been fun. Better luck next time.

I did see Adain tonight, for the first time since that unforgettable evening back in February with Liam. Adain got back into town the other day and text me, so I suggested that we meet up at C's for dinner and catch up. He almost didn't come, but I think I made him feel guilty, which was not my intention at all. He came, we chatted, it was kind of weird.

Another man from my past called me tonight, Mack. I can't believe this, but he has not been in any of my blog posts this year! That is a shocker to me. He was a rather interesting part of my life last year. I won't go into detail, but I've known him almost as long as I've lived here now and long story short, he was in love with me and tried to date me last year the same time Tony came into my life. Tony won, but ever since Mack has been on a mission to get me drunk and sleep with me again. Yuck. Anywho, he called tonight and if I wasn't feeling lonely, I never would have answered. But I did and I offered to get together for a drink next week after my friend leaves town. Um...yeah it was a moment of desperation.

In other news: went to Laurel Tavern with Nikki and Mike tonight after work. 'E' from Entourage was there. He is in fact as adorable in person as he is on the show. I made no attempt to introduce myself. Mike introduced me to his director/writer friend, this arrogant son of bitch from Britain. Did I mention, I hate Hollywood?

Directors type? Funny you should ask, it's so original: young 20-something women. How old is Director? Oh, well, let me tell you! He's clearly in his late 40's. Did I mention I hate Men?

Gross. I can't wait to leave the valley and prove to Hollywood you don't have to suck dick to become successful. Can Not Wait!!!!


  1. Holy crap. This post wins the award for having the biggest amoung of BS in it! :-) I'm sorry you have to deal with it all!

  2. Sounds like your life is kind of in a tailspin right now in regards to men... they have a habit of causing that sort of reaction! I'm sorry things didn't work out with Todd, but I'm really glad you know what you want. So many girls would have just stayed for the companionship [no matter how infrequent or inconsistent]. I hope the next guy that is lucky enough to get the time of day acts a tad differently! :)

  3. I love the blog and totally sympathize. This is just my 2 cents, but perhaps you and T are both at fault here? You wanted to hang out but waited until so late to text him. He obviously wants to hang out with you, so maybe you could make the first step and go to him instead? Guys are dense, sometimes they aren't upfront with their feelings. But to be fair you've held him at arms length a bit lately and I can see why he isn't chasing you across the city. Keep writing!!

  4. "Man after man that oggles my best friend and pretty much ignores the fact that I exist or have a personality too."