Tuesday, April 21, 2009
April 20, 2009.
Sitting in Seattle airport right now trying not to cry. Said goodbye to Seattle about an hour ago now. I cried. I felt silly. I couldn’t help it. The tears just started coming out about an hour before I left and I couldn’t stop ‘em. I had such a lovely weekend and felt for a moment what it was like to have a great boyfriend to just hang out with.
Then reality hit me and before I knew it I was in a cab heading for the airport. Seattle would’ve driven me, but this morning he woke up with flu like symptoms and felt terrible all day long. He kept apologizing because we literally spent the whole day in bed. But there was nowhere I’d rather have been.
I actually enjoyed being there while he was sick, because it’s not like I’ll be able to do that very often and it made me feel like I was able to be a girlfriend, not just a guest.
Argh! I’m so frustrated right now. I’m mad at myself for being so sad right now. And I still don’t exactly know where it is that we stand. He looked over at me today and said, “Well, you’re definitely dateable”, in his dry sense of humor tone. So, I couldn’t really tell if he meant I was dateable and he wanted to date me or if I’m definitely dateable and should find someone else to be with.
I kept joking that all I want for my birthday next Saturday is him to be here. But, I really wasn’t joking and I was hoping that if I plant it into his brain enough times maybe, just maybe he’d show up at my door. I know it’s not really possible, but I can dream right?
I really do like my life in LA, but it sure would be great if I got to share it daily with an incredible guy.
So, I guess I’m not really “Abstaining Irene” anymore, but I guess I’m “abstaining from everyone but Seattle, Irene”. Not quite the same ring to it, but I like it.