Wednesday, April 22, 2009
No longer single
April 22, 2009.
Went to ‘Porn Star’ karaoke last night. Received a text while there from Seattle: “Couldn’t help myself, I caught up on your blog; I was just missing you too much. I don’t really know why, but I am crying right now. I just wish I could be holding you in my arms.”
I called him as soon as I got the text and went outside to talk to him. He basically told me that he feels jealous and hates that because he’s not a jealous guy. He realized he wants to be my boyfriend, he just feels guilty asking that of me. I’m young and far away, it wouldn’t be fair. I told him there’s nothing I want more right now than to be his girlfriend. I told him I never want to do anything to make him jealous. All I want is him. So, “We’ll make it work.”
We were in the middle of both agreeing to be in a relationship when my phone battery died. Ugh. Apparently right after my phone died he text me: “Well that was bad timing on the part of your battery. I’m sure we can catch up tomorrow. Goodnight my amazing girlfriend.”
We stayed at karaoke until closing and all I wanted to do was get home, plug in my phone and call Seattle. So at 2:15am that’s what I did. I hesitated before I dialed because I knew he was most likely asleep, but then I thought, “I’m just gonna call damn it! I’m his girlfriend, I’m allowed to call any hour of the night!”
He answered and we finished off our conversation. I told him I just need him to always be honest about how he’s feeling. We’re gonna make this work, but we also have to be totally understanding of the fact that we are super far and the chance of meeting other people is very real. Not that it’s gonna happen, but if it does we just have to be understanding. He’s the first guy I’ve ever been with that I believe we’d still be ok if something did come up. By that, I mean, I think if I met someone else, he’d be totally sincerely ok with it. Sad, yes, but accepting. Makes me like him all the more.
So as of right now, I’m no longer a single girl. I’m in a relationship with a great guy. A long-distance, painful, longing filled, crazy, romantic, complicated, wonderfully exciting relationship. I really want to make it work.
It does feel a little different now. I’m not sure why, but “we” feel different now. Maybe because a little bit of the confusion has disappeared. Maybe because we’re a little less nervous about some issues, but more so about others? Who knows? I just know that I’m happy and I have to find a way to see this boy again before more than a month goes by. The wait might kill me…