Thursday, April 23, 2009
Paranoia sets in...
April 23, 2009.
So, I’m being a stupid girl right now. I had a frustrating day. Spent most of it in tears (could also be PMS…damn Aunt Flo), and all I want is to hear Seattle’s voice on the other end of the phone.
I called him earlier today whilst in tears and he managed to make me smile and laugh a bit. I text him again just about an hour ago because I’m still frustrated about the same issue and he text me back: “It’s ok, I understand…and if you want to talk about it I am out of class.”
Immediately, I decided in my paranoid, obnoxious mind that he didn’t want me to call. If he wanted to talk to me, he’d pick up the phone and call me. I’m used to guys that I date freaking out the second I show any other emotion rather than happy, positive, optimistic Irene. So, this is what I assumed. He must be freaking out and not know what to do with this foreign emotion I’m showing.
And, I’m sure this is not true at all, but here I sit an hour after he text me, freaking out that he hasn’t called. Granted, I didn’t respond to his last text. So in reality he probably just thinks I’m busy or dealing with something and unavailable at the moment.
But in my crazed out head right now, it means he’s over it and this relationship is doomed.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Nikki invited me out for drinks after work tonight and I couldn’t bring myself to go. I was just on the verge of tears every five seconds. I also don’t want her man to get the impression that I’m some depressed friend she has, because literally 3 out of the last 5 times we’ve all hung out, I’ve been in tears (BM#1’s phone call, visit to Seattle, and now this, girlfriend drama.)
2009 was going so well…what am I doing that’s making it turn for the worse all of a sudden?
I feel like I’m being punished for being honest about my feelings. Sorry for the vagueness of the content of my frustration. I just don’t want to fix the issue and then have it arise again, because I wrote about it. Oh fuck it, Lee was a b*tch to me today. Granted, I could have been nicer in recent interactions with her, but she’s over reacting about something that has absolutely nothing to do with her. Now, I’m in the position of having to apologize for doing nothing wrong. What the fuck? Ok, that’s all I’m gonna say.
This blog is meant to be about my boy drama and adventures…not for catfights.
In boy news: While working tonight, I wore a little green dress, that probably revealed a little more than I should've while hosting, but I got dressed in a hurry and through blurry tear filled eyes. Anywho, it caused one old Armenian man to propose to me when he walked in the door. He said, "Will you marry me?" And I said, "Are you rich?" Which achieved the laugh I was going for.
Then a guy who was sitting at the bar awhile stopped me and asked why I wasn't wearing black (like the others) and I told him, "I'm the hostess, I wear whatever I want". To which he reached out and pinched my arm in a sort of "wearing green when it's not st. pat's day" flirtatious move. Then when he got up to leave he introduced himself to me as Mr. X and when I told him my name, he was shaking my hand and leaned in real close and just went, "Mmmmm..."
Yeah...these are my options: Old Armenians and mmmmMr. X.
*moved my ring back over to the left.