Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A little Lost

April 21, 2009.

Woke up today and found myself sad that I wasn’t waking up in Washington, lying next to Seattle. I found myself wandering around my room last night not sure what to do with myself. Lost.

Woke up around noon, needed to get out of the house. It’s so strange that I was only gone for the weekend and yet now my normal life feels foreign to me.

Got a text from Seattle: “Hope your flight went well and you made it home from the airport ok. I skipped my class this morning but am going to try to go to my evening classes. Feeling a little better, but missing you.”

This is a first. We never say, “I miss you”. I think it’s because before we felt we had spent such little time together that it was impossible to “miss” someone you don’t really know. But, I miss him too.

I’m going to need to snap out of this soon though. I’m sure that once I go back to work and start auditioning, etc, etc, I’ll feel fine and happy again. It was interesting how much I liked being in Seattle. I really enjoyed the anonymity that came along with it. Sometimes I reconsider my decision to be an actress for the simple fact that life seems to be more peaceful for those with real jobs and simple habits. I liked that feeling of peace.

I watched “Marley & Me” on the plane last night and it made me want to fall in love with someone so deeply that I want nothing more than to have a family and be with them. It was such a terrific love story. I want to have a terrific love story.

BM#1 text me this morning as well, “What are you doing tomorrow?” I told him I wasn’t sure and may be working. He didn’t like that answer. Apparently they’re playing in LA at the Knitting Factory and he wants to hang out. I told him he has really bad timing because “I’m sort of seeing someone and I’m not sure where it’s going and I also don’t know what good can come of seeing [him]. What’s the point?” Sounded a little harsh, but that’s how I’m feeling. And apparently he didn’t get the last bit of the message, so I guess maybe it didn’t sound as harsh to him. Which, I think maybe the universe was intervening to not hurt his feelings too much.

Oh boys. What ever shall I do with you? Not much on the horizon for this evening, except for a little alone time which I will most likely spend moping. I’m such a baby!

1 comment:

  1. i wonder how molly is doing in seattle with douche jason meznick (from the bachelor). and what does BM stand for again? and you were not harsh at all... "sort of seeing someone", "i don't know where it is going", "don't know what good is to seeing you" gives a man all the hope needs and he will hustle that much more to get you now, IMO. haha