Waiting By The Phone

April 30, 2009.

I’m a pathetic child. I was just out at Maeve’s with Nikki, her mom, Jess, Roger and his boy and Lacey. We were all chattin’ away, having a grand old time. I was drinking water (dding and still on my two week alcohol cleanse, don’t know if I mentioned that prior). Then I happened to scope out the room, see if any new people had entered and I saw a much too familiar face. Two familiar faces to be exact. I freaked.

“Come to the bathroom, come to bathroom, come to the bathroom!” I turned and pushed Nikki and Jess into the ladies room with me in a panic.

“What the hell?” They were more confused than I was.

It was Liam. Yup. Good old, alcoholic, unreliable Liam. Haven’t seen him since that night in February. Haven’t text him, haven’t talked to him. And vice versa. No communication attempts from him either. He was there with his good ol’ roomie and I know they must’ve seen me. They were sitting directly across the bar from all of us.

Fuck. That’s all I could think. And for some pathetic reason, when I went to the bathroom with the girls, all I could think to do was fix my hair and attempt to look somewhat desirable. I wanted it to hurt when he looked at me. Douchehole. They clearly were not about to say hi, so I did my best to ignore them for the remaining 20 min’s I was there.

I’m still so confused about the entire situation that I don’t even know what to feel about this sighting tonight. It was a weird feeling of, “I know I should be angry/excited/annoyed, but am feeling strangely indifferent.” I didn’t really care to be quite honest. It was weird and I felt like I was supposed to make a big deal out it, and thus my body reacted all strange and my legs sprinted me to the bathroom. But really…in my mind, I couldn’t care less.

Huh. Well. That being said, today was rather chill. Yoga in the morning with Lacey and the beach all day with Lee, Miguel and lil’ bro. It was quite the California day. Loved it. Just wish Seattle could’ve been here.

Called him earlier to find out how his last “class” went today. He had to do an oral debate as his final. I felt like such a girlfriend calling him up and saying, “How’d it go? Did you do great?” and feeling his smile from the other end of the phone, “Yeah, it went really well.”

“Yay! I’m so happy for you!” That was basically the extent of it. He was off to take a victory ride on his bike and I was in the car on my way to the beach. What separate lives we lead. I wish I could’ve taken that ride with him and he could’ve laid out on the beach with me all day. That would’ve been super nice.

He’s out at a bar “drinking with some friends” right now and I can’t help but get a little bit jealous and think, “girl-friends, or boy- friends?” Oh, I certainly am pathetic. I just hate that I can’t be there right now. Miss him like crazy. He should be getting my card tomorrow, which makes it official…he’s my boy.

Alright, I’m gonna get ready for sleep and wait for my phone to ring…