Sunday, May 3, 2009
May 3, 2009.
On the phone with Seattle today, I complained about feeling “unsettled”. I do. About a lot of things. He referred to our situation as being “In Limbo”.
Dictionary. com says:
1. In a condition of oblivion or neglect, as in They kept her application in limbo for months. [Early 1600s]
2. An intermediate or transitional state, as in After his editor left the firm, his book was in limbo. [Early 1600s] Both usage’s allude to the theological meaning of limbo, that is, a place outside hell and heaven to which unbaptized infants and the righteous who died before Christ's coming were traditionally consigned.
I don’t like thinking of us like this…it makes me sad. I think he’s getting nervous that our relationship is taking up too much of my time. I have felt bogged down with time constraints lately, but it really does have nothing to do with him. Granted it would be easier if he were in the same city as I was. But he’s not and I still like him a whole lot. So even if we weren’t dating, I’d be calling him…a lot.
I am feeling the distance more though. It’s extra hard because we didn’t know eachother at all before we started chatting on the phone. And how do you get to know someone that you’re only going to see about once a month? You can’t really get to know someone over the phone. It’s not the same thing.
I had the fear last night that, what if something happens before I see him in19 days (wow that doesn’t sound so bad) that makes us not want this anymore? What if we get too frustrated? What if it’s just too painful? What if it is keeping us from doing other things? What if we get bored?
This is all just my paranoia coming out once again. Anything is possible and I need to glance down at my ring and remember to just “take a day at a time.”
I was driving home from improv tonight and was envisioning Seattle at his computer screen eating sugar snap peas. It’s really cute. Something about the way he eats them is just adorable! All I could think was, “I want to watch him eat snap peas tonight!” Ha. I’m a dork.
This relationship is definitely going to be a challenge. I’m just hoping it’s worth it! I can do a challenge! I just hate the aftermath of an unsuccessful one.
Ugh. I sound pessimistic and blah tonight. I’m sorry. I’m feeling more positivity coming into my life this week! It’s coming! I can smell it!