Sunday, May 31, 2009


May 31, 2009. back and apparently here to stay. After work I met Todd at The Great Greek. It's a restaurant right down the street from where I work. I arrived 20 min late (half on accident, half on purpose.) When I walked in he was sitting at the bar having a drink and a huge sigh of relief left him when he saw me. The bartender only charged him for one drink because he “felt bad”. I guess they were worried I was standing him up.

Todd said it wouldn't have surprised him. Kinda glad I made him a bit nervous.

Dinner was fabulous. I was a little tipsy when I got there because I had stayed at work and had a glass of wine before heading out, sort of the reason I was running late. Then I had two more glasses of wine while at dinner. Needless to say, I was in a great mood.

Todd admitted to me that he has commitment issues and I was the first girl he'd gotten close to since his ex and it made him nervous and he purposely acted flaky to sabotage the good thing we had going on. Wow. I never expected to be back here again a year later.

It was nice to have an explanation. However, now I'm a little nervous. He's almost 30, and has had only one relationship in his entire life. It was 7 years ago. That's so foreign for me. I can't imagine at that age only dating one person. What did this girl do to f- him up so badly? I vaguely remember stories he told me last year, and if I'm not mistaken, I think it had something to do with a cheating situation, but maybe I'm getting my stories mixed up with someone else.

Anywho, we had a great dinner then proceeded to Mexicali further down Ventura for some drinks...we didn't want the night to end too early. At Mexicali there were these two older guys (mid 40's) that started talking to us. They kept saying what a cute couple we make and they kept telling him that he had a great girl and then they'd reassure me that I had a good catch as well. It was quite entertaining.

Then Todd's friend called. I picked up the phone and he ecstatically said, “Hey Irene!” When I told him we were at Mexicali, he said that he had literally just left about 10 minutes before and was heading to The Great Greek to “crash our date”. I like Todd's friends a lot, otherwise, I would've been annoyed by this. Well, we decided to meet up with his friends at Senor Fred's.

I was pretty sloshed by this point...three glasses of wine and half a margarita. Todd and I had already been making out a lot at this point. His friends were all excited to see us. Todd kept saying, “You're such a big hit. My friends love you!” and I kept saying, “Well, I don't care what your friends think of me...” meaning it only matters if he likes me. But it was great fun. I ordered Sangria (which is awesome at Fred's, so if you ever go there, get the sangria) and I managed to spill it all over Todd's friends shirt. Luckily enough he was wearing another shirt underneath and the bartender was amazing and took his shirt and rinsed it in the sink, so there was no stain...phew! I felt like a fool, and apologized profusely and offered to pay for his shirt and buy him a drink, etc etc etc. But he was really sweet and didn't seem too phased by it and still seemed to like me by the end of the night.

I helped the guys get some girls numbers and set up a “play date” for us all next weekend. Let's see if that actually happens. I kept telling the guys that I need to get them to come out when all my girls are out as well, cuz they're so much fun. I'm not really sure how well they'd all hit it off though. I doubt Nikki would be interested in any of them, but perhaps Lacey, they're all really sweet guys and I found them to be a lot of fun, but perhaps I should “blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!” Sorry, that songs been in my head all week.

Anyway, Todd and I walked back to my place after Fred's and proceeded to get our groove on. Now, I'll let you in on a little secret, well, a few secrets rather: Last year, the only two times that I ever slept with Todd, he didn't use a condom. Nor did he “pull out”. I was an idiot and for some reason I didn't speak up about this, and ended up being all paranoid and taking Plan B, both times. Ugh. Well, I swore to myself this would never happen again. And last night, I asked him to put on a condom. He didn't bring one...of course not. However, I'm a modern girl and I have condoms at my place so I got one for him.

The sex was good, but he didn't finish. And I can't help but to feel as though it's because we were using a condom. Seattle had this problem too and I let myself be swayed by my feelings for him and we ditched the condom. Probably a stupid move in retrospect, but what is the deal with guys not being able to get pleasure from sex with a condom?? I don't like this phenomenon. Plus, the even scarier thing about it is that this probably means, the other girls they're sleeping with are having unprotected sex with them as well. Gross.

Well, I enforced the condom rule last night and I'm proud of myself. Todd didn't seem upset, so it must not have been that big a deal to him that he didn't orgasm.

Todd reassured me last night that he knew he made a big mistake by letting me go last year and “it's not gonna happen again.” It was nice to hear that, however, I lay awake this morning with his arms around me and his heart beating against my back and his breath on my neck and I started freaking out a little.

How am I supposed to be his second ever relationship? What if things don't work out btw us? Will he be even more f-uped than the first time? I don't want to damage him further.

I like him. I enjoy spending time with him. He's attractive, he's sweet, he's generous (and has the ability to be generous), he's fun. I just don't really see myself spending the rest of my life with him. And I was just having this discussion with Nikki the other day, that at this point in our lives, being in a relationship that's not going to progress just seems pointless.

I mean, it's not like I don't see any future with Todd, but I'm just not sure he's the best there is for me. I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time. I have rehearsal this afternoon, then a birthday dinner to go to. I told Todd I'd give him a call later when I'm all done with everything. He like, really wants to make this work. Wow.

This morning I got up and showered and started getting ready to head out with him and he grabbed me and brought me back to bed and we spent like ten minutes straight just making out. All I could think was, “I could get used to this.” Having a guy in the same city that I can actually hang out with in the flesh and kiss when I want and sleep next to and have dinner with. Wow, what a concept!

Definitely could get used to this...


  1. I know what you mean about the relationship meaning something at this point. It's definitely nice to have someone around, though! Just keep your happiness in mind and do what's best for you!!

  2. Good for you girl! I don't even know you know you, and I'm proud of you, haha!

    Sounds like a great night. And you're not alone with the wrap it or else thang, haha. Gotta stick to our guns with that kind of stuff. What happens (or more like what may not happen) is not our issue! (Our = any woman)

    Again, glad you had a good time. He seems like he's definitely worth a shot.

  3. geez you slept with him?! sorry don't mean to be protective but you shouldn't force your heart to feel something it doesn't.

    it might be important for the guy to love the girl more.....but in the long run i dont know if you will truly be happy.

    i think you are too hot to abstain? haha. since reading your blog from day 1 (!) it seems like it is hard for you to abstain because there are just too many guys chasing after you and you are just too sweet and nice to fend them off. you started off great in the beginning of the year but now you're going back to your old ways?

    the art of abstaining i think is important even if we live in this sex generation. i think that was your original plan?

    this might sound corny but i think you should keep sex more sacred. i think for you, delayed gratification might be a key to finding your love.

    but then again sleeping around gets you more blog readers. but this blog is for you, not for everyone else.

    sorry i rambled like hell! :)

  4. wonka: I think it was easy for me to sleep with him depsite my abstinence goal, since I've slept with him in the past already...haha, how twisted is that?

    It felt right at the time. I don't regret it, but I do wish I was better at sticking to my guns and keeping my original goal. I was doing so well until Seattle...damn him! I know it's not his fault, i'm capable of making my own choices, but that whole situation weakened my game.

  5. Ahhh the condom thing. Have the same problem. It seems to be something everyone has an issue but no one really talks about, doesn't it? Hate that.

    This Todd thing sounds really promising!! He currently sounds like a really good dude :)