Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Unequal Relations...

May 19, 2009.
In the car on the way to the airport my sister and I were discussing how in most relationships someone tends to love the other person more than that person loves them. It can never really be equal. Is this true? Is there no equality in relationships, ever? She admitted that she feels its true in her relationship. I won't say which way.

It makes me think about my past relationships and wonder who was I in those cases? I feel like in all cases I tend to be the one that loves less. Not on purpose, maybe I just subconsciously play it safe or perhaps I'm scared to let myself love more. Could be...

Walking to my terminal I couldn't help but think about what a fuck up I've been about the whole Seattle thing. I was not a graceful loser and now I have regrets. I have regrets because I feel as though I've blown out of the water any possible chance the two of us may have had in the future at reuniting. Now, I'm just that crazy b*tch who slept around right after and refused to be friends.

Ok, so that's an exaggeration on how it feels to be me right now. I thought about online dating again last night. Lacey does it. She uses some of the free websites and goes on lots of dates and leaves her options open. Lately she's gone on a few really great dates with the same guy. I still wonder though, does online dating really work?

My mom just told me a story about her best friend who's never had any luck in love. Most recently, she had been dating a guy for about three months, who she found online. He seemed great, talked about plans for them in the future, etc. Then, she found something he posted on craigslist. He was posing as a married man looking for a threesome and posting as a guy offering his services to married women who's “husbands just aren't cutting it.” Eww. Gross. And how does one hide all this information from the person they're most intimate with? How scary is that? And how's she supposed to trust anyone again?

I don't know, I still don't really like the idea of finding people online. They always come off better then they actually are. I should just post a craigslist ad for this blog with the note: “If what you read is a real turn-on and you still think I'm a decent person after all that honesty, then give me a call!”

I just want someone who makes me happy. Who makes me laugh. Who holds me when I cry. Who knows how to relax and have fun. Who's spontaneous and romantic and not afraid to do something a little wild that we can't really afford, but what the heck? We're young!

Ugh. Where is he already?


  1. He's coming baby... he's coming, quit looking

  2. I've thought about this a lot too, and I do believe that all relationships have to be unequal to a certain extent. Which isn't to say they're one-sided necessarily, but the best and longest lasting ones I know of definitely have aspects of that going on. Maybe it's because relationships are often a push and pull thing between two individuals lifestyles, and there has to be one person more willing to give? I certainly don't have it figured out but that's my two cents anyways :)
    Also, agreed with online dating! Can't and won't do it...I find people in real life creepy enough generally to begin with, no need to add the online aspect to that mix, haha.
    I wouldn't worry too much about how you've handled the Seattle situation. From the sounds of it your response has been totally normal! Or at the very least totally how I would react.
    Hope you're well and trust that it WILL all work out eventually (as hard as that may be to do sometimes)!

    P.S. Thank you for the award!!

  3. I know what you mean. Oh boy, do I ever.